Vindicated

The constant-city of change

2010-10-04T02:02:00.002+08:00

a new season is 'looming' ahead, and i still have this desire to blog, really.

is it time to change blog?

The final week dash

2010-04-27T01:07:00.001+08:00

It's not about wanting smoothness and trouble-free excellent grades.

It's just about wanting Your close intimate presence. That's all I ask.

End of things to come

2010-04-21T00:04:00.005+08:00

It's kinda unbelievable....my FYP is gonna end in another 2 weeks time.

Really mindblowing....

But unfortunately, I do not really have the luxury of time now to reminicse.....progress is really dauntingly slow on my side with my work. It's gonna take a lot out of me in this final dash to the line...I only hope I have the grace to finish well.

But oh well....in any case, here goes.

And oh, I have a new 'blog' space up heh...though this is more intended for any perspective companies looking for someone...it's more of a space for me to post up my stuff and works throughout these 3 years and along the way. You'll probably get to see all the rest of the works not posted here, so it's worth a visit! =)

Head on over to Peanutfreak to take a look, though nothing much is posted yet. But it'll definitely be alive once my fyp ends, cos' I gotta get it up and proper in time for my gradshow. As to why it's called peanutfreak....heh, you'll know soon enough.

So until then, seeyou soon. =)

500D-elight

2010-04-19T00:06:00.004+08:00

Wow....the Canon 500D has arrived. Just about done with some initial exploration with the controls and all...it really feels nice. =)

I can really see myself shooting all day long when the day comes where I finally own my own dslr.

But for now, I'm just thankful at the providence of this from my bro. Thanks bro, really appreciated it. =)

Let's pray and hope the shooting for my FYP goes through nicely. For now, here's some play shots around the room heh.

Dreamy

2010-04-13T21:43:00.003+08:00

Woke up this morning, remembering about a dream I had last night.

The thing that stayed in my mind from the dream, was me picking up the guitar and I started to sing 'Give You Glory' by Jeremy Camp. Funny thing was, I have never been able to remember the lyrics to this song fully, but somehow I was singing away in the dream, with lyrics that made sense.

Then slowly, the youths around me started to join in the song, one by one. It was quite a sight and sound to behold as the multitudes joined in.

I wonder why....

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Loving the cooling weather right now.....can't remember when was the last time it felt so refreshingly cool. Amazing how a rain can wash away the atmosphere and mood for one...

Preview to a GIANT step

2010-03-12T13:10:00.003+08:00

Ok, maybe that's not really about it. But basically, come tomorrow, it'll be a giant step for them, and me as well I guess.

Feeling a mish-mash of feelings, not knowing which to identify with actually. But it's....exciting...but it does make me wonder how things will be like in the days ahead.

But for now, I'll just hold my breath and see what comes up tomorrow. For now, a short preview to that momentous moment yet to come....

2010-02-26T01:09:00.003+08:00

The initial mistake can usually be resolved. It's the after-actions that follow, that has caused the walls to be built.

So, what do you really want? What are the things that really matter up there to you?

Of all the things, it's come to a point of needing conflicts to bring about a much needed talk.

Come through

2010-02-17T21:06:00.002+08:00

In the midst of deathly silence all around, I long for that moment and place with You...just to hear that quaint nudge of a whisper. Silence all the other voices, and please, just come through..

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[Rise Up] - Third Day

Well, I was there when you were torn apart
Now a piece of you is gone
Somehow you wish that you could only find
A little strength to carry on

You've tried so hard to make it on your own
That your heart has come undone
So I am here to prove that I alone
Have the power to overcome

Don't let your heart be troubled
This world will never keep you down
It will never keep you down

So rise up, my friend
No, this will never be the end
So rise up, my friend
And live again

I didn't want you to feel this way
It's not what life was meant to be
And so for you, my friend, I'll take your shame
You can give it all to me

'Cause you've wrestled demons every day
And they've dragged you to your knees
But in your weakness you will learn to find
That I will always be your strength

In life or in death
Through joy or regret
And all of the secret things you have done
No matter what comes, my friend
Nothing can keep you from the love of God

A deep nap

2010-01-29T23:35:00.003+08:00

It's just mind boggling, how a dream speaks to you....especially the one where u can't really remember the details, but enough memory has been etched to leave an impression within you, or a lesson to be grasped.

What turned out to be a supposed 1 hour rest nap, become one such a deep sleep of 3.5 hours, which certainly didn't felt like so because of the dream.

I can still remember certain scenes, like me and the friend in a deep felt hug, and this whole entire thing which happened to me and had me out-casted and left alone. Now, the only remnant thing left is this huge feeling of being humbled. The reminder that really, I am so nothing without God. The reality of how easily things I've built around me can so easily crumble, and the foolishness of it all, when eternity and majesty is not considered in the grand pictorial purpose of it all.

Such deeply impacting dreams......has it been twice, or thrice already?

That ikea buy

2010-01-26T22:38:00.004+08:00

Finally had the chance to dine at Ikea today, after almost a.....3 months hiatus since that Ikea trip with my classmates.

Although their food is nothing much to shout about....it just kinda makes you feel....comfortable.

And for once, it wasn't the food that went wrong with a place....

the cream of tomato was really better than i thought it would be =)

good 'ol ikean meatballs

So what's the problem then?

That keyboard slider that's what. =(

In another effort to 'minimalist' my work desk, I got a sliding keyboard shelf. Finally decided to buy it there and then after walking to and fro, mainly cos' I was too lazy to have to go back there again, and I assumed my table had the required thickness to drill the nails in.

To my dismay, my work desk has been secretly working out while I'm not noticing, cos' it's too slim even for the shorter nail alternative that came with the package.

Who would have guessed that a difference of 0.8cm would make such a life changing difference for me? Oh so disappointing, you know??

Oh wells, nothing much I can do about it. Just hoping that they'll kindly find an alternative for me when I bring i back for refund/exchange. And, let's hope that SAF is even kinder as well, not to recall me back for mobilisation this weekend.

Please oh please,

have mercy,

and let me finish this Ikea-n journey,

satisfactorily.

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Ok, time to put this behind, and go for another therapy run.

Of rest and therapy

2010-01-24T22:58:00.005+08:00

Just a short quick post for now....

it seems that therapeutic rest has been the topic in town (for me), since last year end, december. The things that I hear, find and read of, seems to be centering around this topic. I guess I couldn't agree more, of how needful I am of it.

But ironically, as inviting as it is, the notion of entering into such a season, do give that sense of uncertainty.

But before I go rambling into it again....I said I wanted to make this short, since I'm on my way out....

the time spent clearing things up on my desk for last year end was definitely worth it. Just the sight of the uncluttered work desk, makes the whole place and work itself seem so inviting. The act of clearing out and the welcome arms of the nice, warm and comfy desk area is all just so therapeutic =)

in the midst of reading this book. found it staring right at me during my visit to SKS. it seems to be one of those books that's been purposefully set right there saying "this is for you, this moment". Its central passage? The account of Jesus at the well with the woman, which was the core of today's final message series by Rvd Joseph Goh. Not a coincidence. =)

Heh, this may seem out of place, but it's really instrumental in therapy. Just bought and used it during my run yesterday...and it makes me feel excited everytime I see it. I'm actually excited about jogging partly cos' of it. The simple pleasure of just running in the cool of the night with my 'zen' running its tracks along...nice.

And that reminds me...I'm going for my run now. Time to clear out some noises of the world with a run.

Note to self: Time to post those past year work photos and get yourself in the mood for FYP! =S

Life's simple complexities

2010-01-12T01:38:00.002+08:00

Failure seeks to make us remember our fallibility.

Unhealthy Fear seeks to make us forget His infallibility.

Rather than enter the calm of Christ, certain fears demand that we demand Christ into the chaos of our world

Where I belong

2010-01-10T00:36:00.008+08:00

"I think.....I think...I've found the place....I think I've finally found the place!"

For the first time ever in my life, I finally realized and understood, the possibility and feeling of what it means to laugh and cry at the same time. And for time first time, I vulnerably let loose, somehow mouthing those words in between 'uncontrollable' tears and joyful laughter.

I hadn't even expected, or seen it coming. When he approached me, I thought he was going to pray for me....so I stopped playing the guitar and singing. Instead, he said, "Deqi, come, let me take over."

Without even looking at him, I just spontaneously lowered the guitar strap and handed my guitar over to him....and just went over to a corner.....and waited.

A few moments later, they approached over and started praying for me....and as they did so, I gradually found myself being unable to remain standing. How could I....when His gentle, yet respectful presence compelled me as I prostrated, and surrendered.

Then the words came.......".....You see.....and You restore...all that the locusts have eaten....no more wasted years..."

And that's when it all just hit, the swelling within me coming to a climax outburst and internal release.

All these years...

years of my peers' departure,

years of my being smack right in the middle of leaderships, people, relationships all intermittently connecting and affecting one another, being drained and torn in between conflicts,

years of my toil and sowing in tears,

years of standing in,

years of bridging,

years of aches,

years of struggling mistakes and failures,

years of just.....hanging on, and hanging around.

She was so right, when she mentioned about how I looked so confused and at a lost in the midst throughout last year. Honestly, I haven't even noticed. Maybe I was too caught up, or maybe I was too numb or used to it.

So as I laid myself before God, and just sat in the midst of the worshipping voices, He spoke. And I felt this bubbling, surging wave of joy.....joy that I have forgotten the feeling of, joy as the realization hits home.

I've found it....where I belong, where I'm supposed to be, that very place of rest I've been longing and looking for. Oh, how blessed is the man, who finds himself at the very centre of the place God has intended him to be, to be where you are supposed to be.

No matter the things to be done....there are others who will be called to stand in place. No matter how you think you can improve things.....the hearts of worship will go on, no matter the technicalities. It is His ministry, it is His work. It is the time for you to just take a back seat, and rest, and be restored. To find the sharpening for the blunt-ing over the years.

Let Him sing over you. Let Him.

So, this is the belonging of this season to come. But You know my fears and uncertainty, and yet You replied with the reminder of Abraham who obeyed in faith.

May the same manner of faith, be administered to me as well....thank You...

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[Where I Belong] - Mercyme

Everybody hopes
That maybe somewhere down this road
We'd finally find that place where we belong
That place where we're complete
The one that occupies our dreams
That place we're lucky to call our home
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside

So I raise my hands
And shout Your name
To praise You with my song
My dream's at hand
I've found my place
The place where I belong

Everybody tries
To find the purpose for their life
In hopes that one more day is justified
But once you truly see
The very reason why you breathe
It becomes so much more than getting by
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside

2010-01-07T03:29:00.002+08:00

this is all so silently overwhelming...

i really don't wish to be tangled again. really, please....

Fuzzy

2010-01-05T00:56:00.001+08:00

Hearing you pray yesterday....it just made me realise it's been so long since I heard you in your prayers....it's just so...you. And suddenly, it brought about a surge of warm, fuzzy feelings. =)

It suddenly reminded me of our past moments, and if my memory serves me well, the few moments we spent together in QT during my infancy. It suddenly dawned upon me, that few moments of intimacy we shared by having QT together....so nice. I never quite realised that, for some reason.

We really, really need to talk soon. =)

When the time comes

2009-12-20T02:16:00.003+08:00

“God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34
The last phrase is worthy of your highlighter: “when the time comes.” “I don’t know what I’ll do if my husband dies.” You will, when the time comes.
“When my children leave the house, I don’t think I can take it.” It won’t be easy, but strength will arrive when the time comes.
“I could never lead a church. There is too much I don’t know.” You may be right. Or you may be wanting to know everything too soon. Could it be that God will reveal answers to you when the time comes?
The key is this: Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow. You do not have tomorrow’s strength yet. You simply have enough for today.

It's been interesting how I've been prompted lately into certain devotional readings. And it's been so restoration-al.

Help me not to miss out the miracle of the moment, when it's so easy to just slip into the living of the past, or even in the uncertainty of the future.

Gratitude

2009-12-06T17:28:00.002+08:00

thank You.

Your words came, in the stillness, in the moments of quietness. In that service of hundreds before You, You knew me and saw me as one, unique individual. You know how much I needed to hear it, with all that load on my heart.

And once again, You draw me. You invite me to surrender, all the defeats, discouragements, weariness and every little thing I make no sense of before You. And as I stood there singing in response in the midst of many, I felt like I was just enjoying that moment with you alone.

Remind me once again, and show me. Talk to me and give my heart understanding, that if it's all about my love to You, what state is it in now?

If along the way, it has been numbed down to a weary servitude, rekindle my love once again God.....

...for "what can I say, and what can I do?

But offer this heart O Lord, completely to You

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe, of the One who gave it all"

thank You

2009-11-15T15:39:00.003+08:00

thank You.....it seems such a long while, since I last heard so strongly...repetitively firm from You. You knew how much I needed to hear from You. And You came so firmly, yet gentle....the one only perfect love You've given me, while I was still far off. You met me.

Thank You.

Teach me to honour Your sacrifice.

Traveller's journal

2009-10-17T16:02:00.004+08:00

I didn't exactly had this season in mind, when I started the journey. Definitely not how I had pictured it in my mind, which is probably why I find myself feeling unequipped for it.

I didn't pack for it afterall.

But that's life I suppose. The question is, what do you do, when you're caught in the rain?

Hide in a shelter while sulking and cursing away, or just soak in the moment and enjoy the symphony of pitter-pattering raindrops and smell of the rain?

Ever wonder, why do people tend to be amused and smile to themselves when caught running away under the rain?

That unfamiliar natural pain

2009-09-06T17:37:00.002+08:00

Some things just don't reconcile.

You can prepare as much as you want. Even if it's the universal truth that no one escapes from at the end of the day. When it happens....you just can't really make sense of it. The departure of one.

Even when you're told of every contributing factor that amounted to the end result...how do you reconcile it? How do you reconcile it within yourself to live on with that significant, physically permanent change from here on?

I personally can't figure it out. Which is why for the times I witness a younger person having to endure and go through the particular season, it breaks my heart and leave me befuddled. Sometimes even awestruck. For a person who's been around shorter than I have...how did they ever find the strength and will to cope? How do they ever do what I can never imagine myself to do?

Perhaps, it's largely to do with the fact that my family is yet to be saved. I can't imagine living with the agony of seeing them depart not having known my savior. And I guess even if they do, that pain...unfamiliar yet natural to all mankind...is gonna take all out of me.

We always hear people wishing departed ones to rest in peace. But for those who go with the hope of Christ, they are in peace...in the place of hope that no one can ever steal from. Rather...I think it's the ones left behind needing it. The need to be at rest, in peace.

So, here's to you. Rest in peace, in the firm foundational promise of our Lord that He holds and sustains every moment of our life, and that there is that final day, to look forward to.

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[I can only imagine] - Mercyme

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah

I can only imagine, yeah, yeah
I can only imagine, Yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, Ohh yeah
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine

Changed

2009-08-30T23:17:00.002+08:00

Somewhere along the way....love got lost. Followed suite by the strength to do so, gradually.

4 years ago, I left for thailand. Now it finally dawned upon me, that it seems as though I came back to another place altogether, where everything's changed. The once familiars is gone with one fell sweep.

Maybe all that strength had been spent on trying foolishly to piece things together the way they were, somewhat.

Honestly....how?

Up-py works!

2009-08-22T10:58:00.004+08:00

Wow, for those interested, here's a couple of official sketchies and art works of Pixar's from the movie, Up, posted on their FB. Simple but awesomely cool. =)

arghhhh

2009-08-21T03:17:00.002+08:00

flying cockroach in my room is making me paranoid, making me turn at the slightest noise and not concentrate on my work.

what's their problem anyway... =(

Reminder

2009-08-19T16:46:00.001+08:00

Note to self: certain things in life aren't meant to play catch up time with, especially time with the people around

Life's utterings and mummurs

2009-08-17T23:45:00.002+08:00

tasting life, one lollipop at a time

Hehe ok that was a random break, part of my attempt to get back to blogging. But now, back to work...again.

I want to sleep. =(

Think think

2009-08-11T23:06:00.003+08:00

Strength is not the absence of weaknesses, but rather, it's seen through the handling of weaknesses.

Had a class 'confron-talk-tion' session with one of our classmate today. Kinda...hmmm. The 1st I ever had in my.....17 years of study?

It turned out pretty well...and having some thoughts from it. But I'll leave it as here for now, to be continued. =)

For now, back to drawing. I love drawing.

Haiyo

2009-08-11T21:10:00.001+08:00

I really need to find time to start blogging again!

Seems like so many things stuck inside...

Open door

2009-07-21T00:16:00.004+08:00

I hope he's feeling alright....nothing too serious.

Sometimes, I just want to keep my room door open. So that he can look in, or at least have the light from my room shining out to the living room. So that maybe he won't feel so...alone? So that he knows I'm here.

But then, when the opportunity comes for us to relate....that irrational dread and response kicks in, and I hide away. It's so, internally frustrating.

And frustrating it is alright...with the things going on in my head right now. Feeling pretty much dried up and all....kinda wandering. You know....I guess we will know, when we're right where we should be in the moment of our life. Not that struggles will be non-existent, but you'll know that in the midst of it all, you're living in the epicentre of His grand purpose.

But then, somehow, I was led to a church brother's blog. And reading through it, I was encouraged. Cos' I'm reminded once again, that they are around, struggling alongside, and not giving up.

So it is then.

I have to surrender to Him, but not give up to me.

Heavy father's day dinner

2009-06-21T22:16:00.007+08:00

Had a 'heavy' dinner with my family this evening. Basically just a simple one, but heavy in the sense of....flood of heavy thoughts?

For some reasons, the thoughts just came on and on, when I took a moment to look at my dad and observe the way he eats. A sudden sense of heaviness came upon me as I looked at him.

And the question that came to my mind was, at this age of his, and with the current situation around home and all, what are the things that bring joy to him daily? Is there any?

That's when I realise how much I really want to bring him joy, and how hard it is for me to think of any examples. And that's when I'm reminded of my younger waaay back days, as well as this morning's sermon on fathers.

I was reminded of the time when I did something wrong, that costed him money. Both he and I know, I had done wrong, but when he had confronted me about it in a gentle manner, I lied about it and denied it. And he did not pursue it, and took me at my answer and asked me to go to bed. In the end, I couldn't sleep, and had to confess to him. I couldn't recall his exact response, but there was no scolding, and he just replied in a firm yet gentle manner, and then asked me to go sleep.

I only remember going to bed feeling relieved with the heavy stone off my heart. But looking back now, I see that he is such a gracious, gracious dad, even in the face of my mistake at that moment.

And what a man he was. He doesn't talk much. But from the way he made decisions and lived his life, it sent such a strong message of his principle to make the right choices and do the right things. I guess that's the reason why he gave me my name of 'complete and unlacking morals'.

Although he isn't perfect, he has so many strong points and strength. I'm so sorry for the period of time that I had said to myself of not becoming like him in future. That was so foolish of me.

I want to be like you, in your strengths, and learn from your shortcomings. You have been a blessing, and you are the only blood-related father I will ever have on this earth in life, given by God. I just pray for the chance and courage, to show you the life that I've found.

passing hearfelt moments

2009-06-20T21:14:00.002+08:00

after all the noise and laughters, remember me, can? =)

slump

2009-04-30T01:42:00.002+08:00

with a numb and blank mind,
with tiredly strained eyes that wishes to close,
with a beating heart struggling with anxiety,
please, keep me in You.
I so need Your sustenance. Carry me please, cos' I just feel like slumping down in surrender.

I'm so tired...I really need Your strength to carry on.
You opened the door. Help me not to walk through alone, cos' it's not meant to be.

Of wisps and lighting

2009-03-24T00:46:00.002+08:00

I realised that my house area seems to 'generate' really cool cloud wisps and lightings!

More than once have I woken up to a brilliantly mersmerising view....and even in my sleepy head state, couldn't resist reaching for the camera to snap a few shots.

I miss the simple, idyllic mornings you know.

whimper

2009-03-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

sometimes, even 'snowys' feel left hung out alone to dry

Mozart thy Art

2009-03-17T17:06:00.009+08:00

Classical music actually makes for some pretty good , classy company when you're working .

Discovered that over the previous weekend, thanks to my skillful neighbour. While rushing my design drawing, I was basically treated to a slew of various piano renditions, from Beethoven and gang. Well actually I can never differentiate their names, but you just find them all so familiar sounding =S

How I wish I can say that I'm currently on a well-deserved vacation in Hawaii, taking in the sun and sea. If only. The break has been pushed back from reach, and I find myself at the start of the final term of year 2... =(

Sigh, I would very much rather be posting pics of outings with u friends, than ramble on about work here. But not for now I guess. I hope you'll enjoy sights of my work, more than I did. I'm still kinda stoned and sick of work for now...

Say hi to me, can? Thankssss =(

submission for Suria's trophy design competion

my advertising module. wanted to do on Ikea actually, but 2 of my classmates already chose it, so chose Courts instead

mrt hangers simulation for the same advert campaign

the carrier bag for the campaign =)

hoh, the classical music inspired work for design drawing.
we had to do design and illustrations for a cookbook, and i was really stuck on this module. guess i can only eat =(
here's the cover of my diary cookbook

the illustrations of the pages in the book.
was kinda panicking for it, cos' deciding to do digital inking really took a long time for a noob like me. the end result wasn't really quite in the style i was thinking of initially, but oh well

heh for those who've been to my house, find the background familiar? =o

HAHA oops this is not part of the submission. but decided to post this in honor of xianhan hahaaha. this caricature piece was the one that got me started in digital inking

Oops. hahahaha, it's all me! i think there's 300+ photos of me!
but it was all for work ok...for my Digital Photo Media module. the project was to photo manipulate 3 photos of ours with a theme. i decided to to do a puppet theme. kinda regretted the choice halfway through, cos' i found myself staring at freaky grotesque reference pics in the middle of the night while working on them.

the 3 works. original photo on the right....if you didn't realise =S

everytime i see this bald headed me, i want to laugh... =(
it's probably how i looked like in army bmt

Hokays, I'm glad that term 3 is over. Still not that glad about term 4 being here though...

knife-point

2009-03-15T23:25:00.003+08:00

..you know what..sometimes, the true measure of a friend's concern or hypocrisy, is seen not in the things done to you in the face. it's the words and acts done behind you when you're not looking or knowing.

and it can either bless, or hurt.
alot.

Riiii-cola

2009-03-15T17:15:00.018+08:00

Does anyone remember this old tv advertisement ad for the Ricola lozanges sweets? If I remember correctly, it had this guy singing "Riiiiiiii-colaaaaa" high up on the cold mountains. For some reason, I always felt this comfortable feeling of coolness and chill whenever I saw that ad.

And the point is....I kinda miss that feeling. =(

Everything feels so stagnant around me now! Probably the side effects of me becoming a recluse over the busy period with my work.....like this dead still air all around me. And that, is a dreadful feeling =S

The new term is starting tomorrow, and I'm feeling all unrested. And I don't know...there's just this conflicting feel inside. I can feel myself losing touch with the friends around me, the school and church side, and I really do miss them....but I just feel so tired wanting to have that time with them.

But I guess it's rightful to first keep it in prayers. Praying along with scriptures...is just awesome. It just really paves the way for us to respond in self reflection, repentance and thankfulness with God.

And speaking of thankfulness....I was just going through all those past works trying to store them up. And it just reminded me to be thankful....for all that was given and done. So I decided to post some of them before they keep stacking up.

Cos yeah, the new term of work is starting...and it's even more scary....

=S

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Here's some of the older works from '08...

storyboard for mastercard tv commercial. rich people use copic markers, poor bums like me make do with watercolor =(

bus hanger for the same mastercard campaign series

bus skin ad design for mastercard series

design drawing...somehow I just had this idea to revolve the story around some narnia fantasy sequel. I really dig the cover page =D

illustrations for the various pages inside the book

flash intro for my TCC website. go on, drag that spoon =D

That's it for now. Gonna upload more recent work photos from this term later
=)

Remember when it rained

2009-03-08T02:10:00.004+08:00

Reading Max Lucado's devotional for today...just reminded me of...today...

You and I are governed. The weather determines what we wear. The terrain tells us how to travel. Gravity dictates our speed, and health determines our strength. We may challenge these forces and alter them slightly, but we never remove them.

God—our Shepherd—doesn’t check the weather; he makes it. He doesn’t defy gravity; he created it. He isn’t affected by health; he has no body. Jesus said, “God is spirit” (John 4:24). Since he has no body, he has no limitations—equally active in Cambodia as he is in Connecticut.

“Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?” asked David. “Where can I run from you? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I lie down in the grave, you are there” (Psalm 139:7-8). - Max Lucado

Was running late for today's worship prac, despite telling the band ppl to reach earlier. Oops.
But hey, was busy preparing the songs and troubleshooting the printer ink alright. =S

So I was just lugging this heavy guitar over to church, when I noticed...the sky was overcast and getting reaally reaally dark. As much as I would love to stay to breathe in the smell of coming rain, I was kinda panicking. I couldn't afford getting my guitar wet in the rain, uh uh.

So in between my widening paces, I was muttering prayers that God would just hold back the rain awhile. And boy....that uphill climb. I was running up the slope carrying the guitar like an M16 rifle...and I suddenly felt like the army days once again, running the soc course. Being younger back then really made a big difference man.. =S

And yes, the drizzling got bigger along the way, but you know...I really sensed the big rain being held back. It was all being made manageable. And you guessed it, just moments of me reaching church, the rain turned into this crazy outpouring, which I could have been caught in. The grace of God.

But yea, receiving His grace, doesn't mean I didn't have to run. It doesn't mean I don't have to pant away up the hill like a dog. His grace meets with our little efforts you see.

So, I just want to thank You, for being found in the ordinary and mundane.

BRB

2009-02-19T03:13:00.002+08:00

someone misses blogging here man sighh. this place has almost turned into a 'facebook status update' thing =S

BRB ahhhh!~

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2009-02-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Help help~

someone's drowning........ =S

Tuckshop break over

2009-01-11T23:11:00.003+08:00

The night tonite seemed especially dark ah? Probably due to the fact that school is starting tomorrowww. Oh the sorrowww. =(

Haha, I'm actually cool with school opening, just not that ready to dive back into the mountainous workload. And as if I'm not reminded enough....look what popped out of the msn chat window last night....

Yaaa....as if I needed more reminders. ...come articulate your passion at nafa! I just hope I'll still be able to articulate my limbs by the end of sem haha. =S

But alright, it's gonna start. I just wanna hold on and be reminded of Your grace and mercy upon me. Luck or ability didn't bring me through those tough moments, You did. So I just wanna open up my heart, and my eyes, to yet another season of witnessing the reality of Your presence at work around me each day, sustaining me.

Help me to always give thanks. =)

Go pack your waterbottles and lunchboxes boys and girls, it's time for school.

in the fleeting pass of it all

2009-01-11T00:16:00.002+08:00

Just back from the wake of Michael's mum.

The news just came out of nowhere. But it was definitely all the more so for him and his family. I only saw his mum once in my life...that was some years back....that night when I popped over to his house to discuss about some stuff. It was a hi-bye encounter with his mum.

I can't even recall how she looks like now. But, this particular wake tonight just left me....hit.

I suppose it's because of that letter. The family gave a letter writeup by his brother, detailing his memory and view of his mum, and what happened on the day of her passing. It was so difficult a letter for me to read. As I read...I tried to picture what were going through their minds when it happened....what were their expressions and reactions. I mean....how does one react when it just happens with no warning?

And then I put myself in his shoe. I don't know....I think, I would force myself to be strong to react, because of my love and concern. But if the unthinkable aftermath were to come....I think I would be shattered. Would I still be able to go around, smiling and serving?

I'm not ready. I know it's inevitable for the day to come...but I'm just not strong enough to take it. Because they're not ready for it as well. If only....I could have done better..

God, help me not to forsake praying for them. Please, show me what I have to give and do, and let me heed it with all I have. Because God, I don't think I'll be able to live with the pain and regret. Help me.

------------------------

i'm tired. cos' i really did try my best. i just don't have the energy to handle them anymore

Year-end heart affairs

2009-01-09T11:39:00.013+08:00

Woah. 2009 is actually here. Guess I better get down to posting all those long overdue pics before it gets too busy for me again. So before I say anything, I'm gonna post a multi parts post on the things gone by for the year end.

First up, buttie's fyp. =)

escape!

the fyp project's theme

a wall-ful of cutesy stuff =S

everyone wanna pose with miss cutesy

everyone's hidden ambition on being a great sew-er (sewer!),
hence the fascination with the video tutorial...

we were forc....invited to try our hands at sewing a christmas sock for the in-house competition hohh

you can see how enthusiatic we all were! especially a certain famous white person..

you can just see the stress on sarah's face having to work next to me ah =D

ooh everyone's getting serious eh

especially me! this was the day i realised my innate ability to sew!
whooo, didn't know i could do that! =D

rach seem to like cowboys alot ah? i think she dressed as a cowgirl for '07 christmas party...and now, her cowboy themed sock. it looks really cool ah

BUT not as cool as moi's! a reddy whale shaped sock with a sensitive gold heart =D

it even works as a earring if you can stand the smell =S

there it is, smally and puny hanging on the tree! strangely, everything else around it looks so lifeless

yep yep. congrats to buttie on the major step towards grad!
=)

words to bear ahead

2009-01-04T00:14:00.005+08:00

..you know....you've been running on empty inside, over the past year.
but i, i know your heart, and its desire to do what's right. i see it.
and this year ahead, it will be a year of refreshment, and restoration for you.
it will not be a year of failure...

God, you know the road ahead of me.
i only ask that You would hold me close,
and keep me on the path, no matter what.
even for the times i complain and sulk and bemoan,
be patient with me, and have mercy,
for i know and see only so much.
You know better than i.

-----------------------------------------------------

Loaded with Love

“He…loads me with love and mercy.”
Psalm 103:4

It’s time to let God’s love cover all things in your life. All secrets. All hurts. All hours of evil, minutes of worry.

The morning you awoke in the bed of a stranger? His love will cover that. The years you peddled prejudice and pride? His love will cover that. Every promise broken, drug taken, penny stolen. Every cross word, cuss word, and harsh word. His love covers all things.

Let it. Discover along with the psalmist: “He…loads me with love and mercy.” Picture a giant dump truck full of love. There you are behind it. God lifts the bed until the love starts to slide. Slowly at first, then down, down, down until you are hidden, buried, covered in his love.

“Hey, where are you?” someone asks.

“In here, covered in love.”

a Max Lucado devotional,
Jan 4th 2009

Creeaaak

2008-12-17T01:58:00.010+08:00

*peeps in and look around*

Hoo, real dusty in here man. It's been so long since I last blogged...no thanks to the brain-damaging, life-shortening, pain-inducing assessment period. It all seems a blur now looking back, but when I got back the results, I cried man. It all seemed so unreal.

But anyway, guess I'll just post some way overdue pics of what had been roughly going on from back then till it was over....

linn's bday. sad that i had to carry some bad news with me that night...

daph's bday. i actually took a liking to that branch of fish'co after that meal.
they have cafe singers!

a frantic pic of our submission day. rushing to help with mikki's
stuff till the last min...exciting man =S

the 1st proper meal after the storm

after submission, the crazy peeps pulled...i mean invited me to settler's cafe at SMU.
everyone was tired but still die die want to play
the object finding board game is addictive man =D

our class presentation day. everyone was basically wacked out
and glad that it was all overrr~

celebrated felicia's bday right after the presentation.
very shiok ah i tell you, to finally eat without thinking about work.
first of more foodie to come!

alvin and man mei mei. someone's eyes unusually big =S

me and man mei mei

6 assessment survivors and 1 doreamon

celebratory outing for the A's ppl...but i was celebrating mine too heh.
brought them back to the settler's branch at SMU and played more of that
object finding game. someone looking unusually young here!

xiufe...rachel playing golf

oooh, katong laksa!

brought ahlup back to the glass house fish'co.
haven't had the chance to meet up with the rest of the poly peeps though..

another episode of living to eat!
the salmon salad actually tastes nicer than it look man

yeah, finally had the time to springclean and rearrange the whole room.
kinda scary huh =S

cleaning up always take longer than it should, with all the flashbacks and all with
those things in the past...

ooh, so my first visit to city harvest was back in '98

found this letter I wrote for the youths and leaders back then.
hmm, i seemed kinda edgy...

sometimes, it's not easy at all to throw stuffs away huh...

utmost

2008-12-07T01:55:00.004+08:00

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

Psalm 126:5-6

once again, You leave me speechless with Your grace.
from the utmost depths of my heart, thank You.
Thank You.

restfully tired

2008-11-29T15:09:00.004+08:00

whoo, still feeling tired and aching all over. sleepy too.
but it was a blast cycling yesterday away.

and of course, the people.
thankful for the chance and time. =)

Be happy

2008-11-28T01:00:00.005+08:00

Wow. Lots of cobwebs here I see heh. For some reason, didn't really have the mood to do any postings, though there's really quite alot to say man.

But for now, I'm just living a quiet dog's life after the assessment aftermath. Just taking the time to just quietly sit, eat up, sleep up, roll around, stick my tongue out when I'm thirsty and wag my tail when I'm happy. Ok sorry, no tail.

Also don't really know what to say for now, just this weird combination of quietness around, and traces of noises and faint whispers within. But yeah, gonna start posting up soon.

For now, it's up to here. In the mean time, stick around and play with Behaypy, simply known for being a BIg HEAded pupPY. Heh, just some random dood I did when the urge to draw just came.

Woof woof.

when life throws you such a big head, how do you find the balance man?

back to the future

2008-11-08T22:55:00.003+08:00

Ok deqi, nice to see you. It's been a long while, hope you've finally managed to get that rest.

You're probably not gonna remember all that's been going on these few weeks, so I'm writing to you, myself, to remind.

It's really been a hell of a time...probably not to the extent of hell, but it's enough to bring you down. Insane amount of work to get through, just because someone high up there in school decided to bring the submission of all modules forward to the same day, with classes from all levels handing up all modules of work on 1 single day.

How ridiculous does that sound? They probably do not know what it means to have all the printshops overflowing with everyone rushing to print, and all the work rushed. Or maybe it's just my level of intelligence that fails to see the logic of this plan. But yes, I AM angry with that last minute change to the system.

If only it was all about the work...but there had to be more. Some people were down, and got you worried and unable to work. And some people whom you thought mattered, turned away even in the face of your pleas. It really hurts and tears. But unfortunately, you didn't have the luxury of time to even mourn for it. You just had to lap it all up and carry on, because the time left for your work doesn't stop for you. Slept left you, and so have your appetite, and you just wish you have that bit more time to close your eyes awhile longer each day.. and nothing else can get into your head numbed from the lack of sleep.

It's certainly grace and thankful to have some people give a pat on your shoulder and offer just a simple "jia you". Lonesome but not entirely alone.

So, what would you say? By the time you read this, and it's over with whatever results....what do you think? The One who stayed, even when you hid away.

What say you?

-------------------------

can't wait for it to be over.

2008-11-02T03:08:00.000+08:00

things are piling, changes are coming.
if i could just sit with you awhile.

2008-10-22T21:09:00.004+08:00

only just got to know about it moments ago.

i wonder if you struggled with overwhelming fear

as you entered the operating theatre,

whether if you felt alone.

i know there were burdens in your heart,

even as you had to make the choice.

but i hope it hasn't affected much,

and that everything is fine.

please be safe.

if only i was with you.

praying for God's sustenance and restoration

to be upon you, a peaceful rest and a restful heart.

please do recover fast.

Click my heart

2008-10-20T01:35:00.006+08:00

Somehow, the little incident today, just clicked certain things in my heart.

It just brought back pleasant memories of the past, doing the things I once did, and called to do. It just flowed, though the things shared were not easy... and it brought tears out of both. Yet strangely, there was a connection. Perhaps partly out of that relationship formed of old. But mostly, it was out of an understanding. To really understand and identify with what the other side is going through. To come to realise that this person next to you is actually a fellow sojourner in a season, not too different from your own, and what is being poured out from the heart, just blends.

And it's been so long since I last felt that. And the reminder that the path of moulding and hardy seasons that God brings along, is not travelled alone. That there can be deeply rooted heartfelt joy in the midst of trying times, looking forward and awaiting the fruit that comes out of this season of waiting, trying, and seeking.

All from a little rather random trigger of a remembrance during the week. The sermon by Pst Derrick, was rather apt, questioning and reminding. For anyone who would seek.

Let me not take Your presence for granted, nor lose sight of its wonder.

---------------------------------------

Woah, I've kinda lost sight of time, with weeks of school work mounting

on and on. Com is in such a mess, with loads of un-posted pics and stuff. And my room, is so cosily messy. Ok, maybe not that cosy yet, but definitely messy. =( Eagerly waiting for hols to clean it up and give it some revamp!

And I just realised my next sunday service worship session is coming up again real soon. With the latest humbling session just last week....... it's kinda daunting. But oh well, not my will but Yours be done yea.

And not to forget the joy in the process of it. =)

*courtesy of daphne

messed up

2008-10-12T23:28:00.004+08:00

Yup, I finally did it. Pretty much messed up today's worship.

On hindsight, saturday prac itself wasn't really as intended. I had prepared stuff to share and encourage with the team, but somehow, didn't get around to doing it with all the stuff on hand to do. For some reason, the mood and atmosphere wasn't quite in the mood to do so....but still, shouldn't have compromised it I guess.

And for sunday worship itself, major bummer man. I was kinda stuttering, thinking of what words to introduce the new song with, when afterall, it didn't come from me. Introducing songs sure is hard I tell you.

But it was the 2nd song that really killed me off. I was distracted by the speeded-up tempo beat, and didn't even realise I was playing in the wrong key!! So we basically did the song speeded-up in a really high key. Er, at least my voice didn't break.

But it basically went downhill from there. It felt like I was just going through 1 song after another. The final hit came with the 2nd last song, which had slipped my mind until I flipped to it. Despite feeling that we should skip it, my mind was just blank and didn't react. So I just went ahead...and how much I regretted it in the midst of doing that song. That feeling really sucked. I crashed badly, and I made bad choices. And I'm really sorry.

For all those who were affected and distracted from the worship. Cos' I had really wanted the congregation to be drawn into a time of worshipping and hearing from God, especially with the difficult times at hand.

But in all, it's over. Yep deqi, it's done. And in failure, or success, it's to be surrendered to Him.

And I'm really humbled. To be placed in this role of service. And this incident only amazes me further of the moments when everything just clicks and flows, covered and carried by Him.

I've messed up, but it's not about me. It's all You.

Scrapbook hope

2008-10-10T01:53:00.002+08:00

They had betrayed their Master. When Jesus needed them they had scampered. And now they were having to deal with the shame.

Seeking forgiveness, but not knowing where to look for it, the disciples came back. They gravitated to that same upper room that contained the sweet memories of broken bread and symbolic wine…

They came back. Each with a scrapbook full of memories and a thin thread of hope. Each knowing that it is all over, but in his heart hoping that the impossible will happen once more. “If I had just on more chance.”…

And just when the gloom gets good and thick, just when their wishful thinking is falling victim to logic, just when someone says, “How I’d give my immortal soul to see him one more time,” a familiar face walks through the wall.

My, what an ending. Or, better said, what a beginning!
a devotional by Max Lucado

------------------------------

sometimes, it's the hope, brought about and hanging by a tattered, familiar scrapbook..

Miss

2008-10-08T23:57:00.004+08:00

Just saw some awful news of a dead body being found at bedok reservoir. Suddenly missing my old house over there. Wonder how is it like over there now....

Hmm, think I'll pop over there soon with a camera if I can soon =)
And oh yeah, have a jog at the reservoir...anyone? Real one real one.
Anyone? =D

Paain

2008-10-08T00:21:00.003+08:00

Sighhh, man I'm still having that headache. Just refuses to go away. My head's too cute for it to leave it alone. =(

How I wish I could just lie my head on something soft and fluffy right now. Too bad, still gotta do some work ahhhhh. Come on come on let's goo.

Really looking forward to taking a rest, and the weekend to be here.

God, help me find rest in You, even in preparing for worship.
Cos' I know You can.

You are stronger.

Camp teaser

2008-09-30T02:32:00.004+08:00

Jeremy Camp fans rejoicee~!

His next album, 'Speaking Louder Than Before' is coming reaaal soon, hopefully onto our shores just as soon. Cause' from what I've previewed and heard so far, it's already sounding good. And that scene in the clip showing a reminder glimpse of the lives at stake at judgement day, it's a question whether our lives are speaking out loud enough. If that teaser above has piqued your interest, have a preview to his album's songs!

And oh yeah, I really dig the promo and art direction style of this latest album, possibly the best visuals I've ever seen for a christian artiste. Awesomely cool.

Preview it below!

Jeremy Camp Speaking Louder Than Before Preview from BEC Recordings on Vimeo.

I think I'm already hooked on the song "There Will Be A Day", cause' it just has that Dennis Jernigan style written all over it, lyrically wise. And even more so, the message of the song, makes you just yearning for it.

At least I do. =)

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

- Jeremy Camp, "There Will Be A Day"

Yearn

2008-09-24T21:41:00.005+08:00

still finding it hard to find peace and stillness within.
it's so hard to just settle down nowadays...
sometimes, i wonder what's been lost along the way.
find me finding You Lord.

Brain dead

2008-09-20T14:20:00.023+08:00

Einstein's theory of relativity...you've heard it before yeah?

1 minute with the girl/boy of your dreams, and 1 minute of having your hand being burned in the fire. 1 seems to fly-by too fast, and the other feels like a suffering gone on for too long. So thanks to Enstein, the reason why this week of term break seems too fast is well accounted for...but I just can't come to terms with it!

Yes yes, this coming from a 25 year old uncle who's seen his fair share of life and suffering, but sighhh, I reaaally am not ready to go back to school man. =(

I really like it that I've adjusted my body clock back to normal, sleeping earlier and feeling healthier, you know? And having the load off the shoulders for this moment, maaan, love it.

Alright wait, lemme savour this moment now.....

....

Mmmm mmmm, can you feel that?! Shiok man. But come monday...it's back to school. That I'm actually fine with. It's just the crazy deadlines to meet, and all the late nights and rushing to and fro, and all that money spent on printing and stuff. But...ok, I guess it's enough with the rants. I chose this path, and the door was opened for me yeah. Should be thankful for the chance to study again. Just gotta discipline and cope huh. Though it's still a PAINFUL process.

But it's about keeping the end-result and prize in sight. Faithfulness, perseverence, and stewardship. Just like how some of you stubbornly....I mean, faithfully pop in here time to time despite the lack of blog entries for some time huh. Thanks for the time, and I hope you enjoyed the peace and tranquility found here hehe.

Sooo, here's an exclusive world premier gala exhibition gallery showing of my labour for the past few weeks, just for a glimpse into what I've been up to. You're not gonna find jaw-dropping master works of art hor, just works of mine that I've really poured much into. Though I'm starting to find some of them unpleasant the more I look, but oh well....tadaa.

1st up, Design Drawing. killer of a module alright.
1st proj was to do a series of "zo cards" for a real/imaginary festival
mine's Nihon Zest fest! =D

hehe, that white little bugger should be familiar.

memoirs of a geisha whom some people found to look like a guy =S

i still have no idea what that "piak" slapping thing for filming is called.
if you know, please tell me

dunno why, but i suddenly see this pic as a towel-clad sumo "making waves" after having too much a drink HAHAH. oops.

the event poster

i thought that was killer, until i realise the 2nd proj was to do 6 cd album covers of a music genre/artiste, a compilation booklet, and a poster...
haha my original intention was to do acoustic genre, but somehow, it turned out to be alternate/emo rock

base sketchings for the cd covers. hehe, should be another familiar face.
ppl have been saying he's cute! =D

pinocchio out of the book

hehe, album design inspired by mercy me's undone album

for narniaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!

my personal favourite =)

the album promo poster.
for some reason, I was listening to Trading Yesterday's songs while working on it, and realised
that the images somehow just flowed along with their songs, so yep, I ended up using their song lyrics and all. And yeah, David Hodges was the ex-keyboardist for Evenasence.

album booklet

heh but i really enjoyed this proj. the thing about designing, only you the creator know of the various little nuances and bits of things put in, that's part of you, expressing you, for whoever. =)

digital photo media, basically photoshop work with photos and ads

yeah, boring photos. decided to use my phone for the ads

though it doesn't look like it, those 3 hand postures are mine =D
but not really happy with how this turned out in the end

haha, you're probably not gonna be seeing this on your tv screen when the youth olympic comes, so, enjoy =S

did a magazine publication for graphic design, but i guess you're gonna be bored by the contents, so here's what matters, the cover! heh, thanks to our photo models. but not happy with how it turned out either =S

advertising module! the module that the whole class have no idea of what's going on for the whole term. basically 2 ads worked on

vroom vroom. dunno why i chose automobile for my product, since i know nuts about it

hee, finally the chance to use supahman for my work!

finally, digital media module. had to work on an e-card to promote some company/service. i chose UPS! =D kinda rushed and choppy, cos I had to keep it under 17 secs, and most people don't really get it on first viewing, so if you do, you're one of the few elite geniuses! like moi.

here's the e-card. go on, click play!

Wow, you've basically just scrolled through my whole term of work. Easy for you huh =(

Now? Waiting as the final moments of the term break comes to an end =(
Let's hope I'll post more often this time round...it really helps to get things out at times.

Holocaust

2008-09-16T00:51:00.002+08:00

With the clanging of swords ceased, and the battle cries fading into the distance...this battle has come to an end, for now.

But somehow, the dust around has yet to settle, and I still seem to be squinting in the fog, trying to see. And for some reason, it feels as if something within has died. Or worn out and shut. The deadly combination of overnight workings, and relational expectations and turmoils. Heh, I don't know how many of you out there are still here reading, but for those who are, please bear with me. I'll post the fruits of my labour soon. =)

I just need time alone, and rest. Cos' I miss it, alot.
to know and feel that you're alive.

-----------------------------------

i miss the intimacy with you, God.

Post-it Note

2008-09-05T02:18:00.001+08:00

Reminder to self: cling on and remain in Him, wherever you are.

2008-08-31T19:33:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry, I just have to get this off my chest, else I won't be able to work on anything ..

It's ironic, that I often bemoan about people saying that I'm old, but yet, I find myself being treated like a kid, and hating it.

Yes, I know it's out of your concern for me, and I thank you for that. Even more so, I'm utmost grateful for the money you give, because I know it's not mine, it's your labour. I'm really thankful for you, and I really feel bad about having to take it. I felt so, when the path to go back to schooling was chosen, and I am now too.

But why am I not given the trust? Do you know I really do take time to consider carefully? Why am I always made to feel as if I don't ever make wise decisions? That I'm always inferior to him? Yes, I have made poor choices, and I don't mind taking advises & opinions, but at the expense of my ability to stand and think for myself? It is still my consequence to bear, so please let me learn, even through mistakes.

Just what do I have to do to prove myself?? I'm really tired you know? Tired of having to show that I try my best, that I give what I can, that I do consider feelings, that I mean it when I say I'll think through and it's not just something said to get you off my back, that I do try to make it up, that I don't make promises just like that without any value.

Because I know there are times I've broken them, and I'm sorry. But if you're to put me forever under that shadow of my past failures, then I'm sorry, I can never meet your expectations. Cos' I'm so prone to weaknesses.

I was late today for band, all because I just couldn't get to sleep even at 4am last night no matter how hard I tried. Until the point I just sat up, and told You, that I'm not happy, God. I'm not happy at all. There wasn't any excitement at all, it's all about work. I'd rather not have it, than having to face responses, and looks, and the feeling that I'm doing it all wrong from them. Even having things, I'm not happy at all. Perhaps that's why it's still unopened.

I feel so spent, trying to please. Cos' at the end, none walks beside me when I'm facing the turmoil and lostness in class, when I have to give my nights just to keep up.

Someone asked me, why do I still take so long if I really give my best.

I wonder why too.

Render

2008-08-24T03:16:00.005+08:00

There was once a boy.

He used to have romantic ideals, and a fiery passion. His eyes had a sparkle within, despite often being sore and teary. Coming from a broken family, he had found acceptance in a soccer team.

He didn't start out as a player, as he had no talents with him. He started way from the bottom, as a cleaner and ball picker for the team during practices. This however, didn't stop the rest of the players from welcoming and looking out for him. And he was glad.

Slowly along the way, things moved, and he progressed and got involved in the team as a player. From observing from the bench, to playing substitute, to a defender, a mid-fielder, and the occasional striker position on the field. The field position didn't matter to him though....as it was the belonging in the team that he cherished.

Then came the day, where he was finally made captain of the team. It was hard decision for him, for he saw his own inadequcies. But he finally took the step of accepting it, genuinely believing that he was called for it. He played hard.

But somehow....there was a feeling that he just couldn't put a finger to. Nonetheless, despite the discomfort and struggle, he gave his all.

That was until the return of an old friend. Things took a turn and went downhill from there. Despite him hanging on, it came to the decision that his old friend will step in and take over as captain. His heart was broken. It wasn't because of the loss of captain-cy. It was because he finally realised, he had been a substitute all this while, a stand-in during the absence of the rightful captain.

Though feeling lost and unable to make sense of things, he stayed on. Thus, he finds himself back on the bench, looking on at the games...almost like paper-weighting the bench in case it tilts and topples.

And so, he slips into a slow fade. Even the number 5 on his jersey, seemed to be fading. The game matches have yet to end...but the sparkle in his eyes dimmed. Numbness filled the void left by quenched passions. Unfamiliarity and silence surrounds. The clock is ticking....

where does it end?

In Your unfailingness

2008-08-18T02:12:00.002+08:00

How laughable, and absurd, that I would be the one to forget my own prayers made. Those promises made, that once brimmed and bubbled with great expectations and hopeful dreams, now seem an empty hollow shell of its past.

But You, to whom my words were muttered...in the quiet, and secret of our meetups, You honoured them. To have You cherishing those moments with me, it blows my mind. And You never forget.

Here's to You.

----------------------------------

[Your Faithfulness] - Brian Doerksen

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

w.s

2008-08-10T02:27:00.001+08:00

beaten down, btyd...

the extended hand, full of sores.

Either side

2008-08-02T14:55:00.002+08:00

..it's strangely weird seeing you in that manner. So...vulnerable, helpless, and painful. Almost as if time had a recollection, and you were there, burrowing in like a little girl once more. An episode that I'll never be able to witness. It makes me wonder, how you were like. If time could be bent, would we have been able to relate better? You know, deep within, I really wish to be a friend.

The dried stains tell of hurt, but yet I can also relate to the other side of the coin as well. And this, I have no answer of reconciliation to both.

Before long, that mechanism of escapism would do its work again. But I have to make it stop. Its damages and effect reaches far into the untold future. But for the moment now, it'll have to wait. I just got to make and discipline this inner boy to get some work done...with the accompaniment of Corrine May. Her songs seem to slow time down.

It's off to warring with pencil and rubbers once again then.

Darkness reigns

2008-07-24T00:16:00.008+08:00

Absolutely mindblowing.

That's what the latest Batman movie, 'The Dark Knight' ('TDK'), is. After the slew of summer comic superhero movies we've been treated to, I'd say, forget about Iron Man, the Hulk, Hellboy, Spiderman(gasp!), or even...Superman (at least for the moment).

TDK is officially the best comic book movie for me, and I guess may well probably be the best movie for 2008.

I've never had high regards for the Batman movie franchise, no thanks to its previous movies which were all a joke to me. However, it all changed with the series rebooting effort, 'Batman Returns'. It brought the Batman universe to an all new dark, gritty and realistic level. And now, 'TDK' has upped the overall experience to greater heights with an all-round great cast, and a gripping storyline.

when a movie's promotional advert running theme has the show's antagonist defacing the
main hero and getting away with all the limelight, you know they're on to something big.
awesome concept.

Those of you who have been following the updates for this movie, allow me to say it again, Heath Ledger basically steals and runs the whole show as Joker. Jack Nicholson may have brought the villian to life in the very 1st Batman movie, but Heath Ledger practically immortalises the character, right down to the smallest detail of his freaky voice, or smacking of lips after every line. So fully immersed in the role, non comic-fans of Batman will see why the Joker is considered as the greatest villian unto Batman. Afterall, this was the role rumoured to have caused the late actor to slip into depression, before his death.

This villianous clown really instills fear, even to me watching it. Every he appears on the scene, I could feel my pulse racing, thinking and fearing what he's gonna do next. Never before was I so intensely captured by a comic book movie villian. There's no clich'ed villianous monologing, but rather an unpredictable character who feels no fear for pain, nor is he looking to gain anything. Perhaps best said by the demented villian himself...

Joker: "I use a knife because guns are too quick. Otherwise, you can't savor all the emotions. You know who people are in their last moments."

But you'll be amazed at how brilliantly devious his schemes are, as you witness the city, the cops, the gangs, and batman himself running all around, tormented by hard choices at every turn, just when you think the good guys has won. And that is 1 of the main drawing points of the movie for me. The overall bleak feel of the movie as you sense the never ending turmoil batman has to face. Some people feel the movie to be overtly draggy, but I felt the time taken to pace and expand the struggles of the characters were well done, carving out a work that's not the usual superhero movie.

You see that deep longing within him to be able to let go, and lead a normal life. The ultimate sacrifice to deny himself, and live as a freak that others might have a hope to hold on to. Not a celebrated hero, but an unseen guardian.

Try not to watch this show with an empty mind looking for a popcorn show, you're gonna be lost in the complex double crosses and choices-reaction events throughout, as well as the many deep issues worth pondering upon.

The Joker shows a side of us, giving us a glimpse of what it would be like, when men are left to their own free will, acting without consequences, nor bounded by rules or conscience. Watching this movie kinda makes you long for hope in this world. And I'm glad there is.

I'm seriously considering to catch it again before the movie ends its run. And maybe even wear the batman tshirt xianhan got for me to watch it! (ok maybe not..) Definitely a worthwhile 2hr 45mins trip into Gotham, though some may find it a tad too long. But with school work coming on, I'm really stuck in between man.

But hey, it's just a movie right? Why so serious? =\

No more kit-kat

2008-07-21T00:14:00.011+08:00

Have a break, have a kit-kat.

You know that tinge of sadness you get when you finish a kit-kat bar? That cloud of empty hollowness that seem to envelope you as you stare at the crumpled shiny tin foil that housed your 2-bar chocolate only just moments ago?

Yeah....I've come to the end of my kit-kat bar. End of my year 1 holidays. Kaput.

Has it really been 2 months already? Wow. The passing of year 1, and now on to year 2 in Nafa. Give time a cape, and see it fly man. But yeah, it's been a pretty soaring good time of break and putting school aside. Here's a glimpse before I forget about it.

Oh yeah, church youth camp. There's way more pics than these (hah esp of some certain faces =S), but it will suffice for now.

invasion of simpang

oh yeah, food trail's a good thing to have

oh yeah, the trip to changi beach. good break from east coast and pasir ris i must say

marching out to war, not

Haha, machiam 2 pop stars...

mmm i like this photo's colour tone. soothing neh

highlight of the camp for me. the outdoor bbq turned out really well i must say =)

though we didn't have all with us, it was pretty much a good step in the right direction
=)

oh yeah, had time to just chill out with the nafian peeps, for the times we actually managed to get every busy person out =S

hoho, surprise ambush of mikki at her work place, Ahava
and i finally know the meaning of that word

cool pic, but i have no idea what is meiman trying to do

photo with our favourite print shop at sunshine plaza!
but i don't like the da jie though, she thinks i'm old..

popped over to student lounge which was totally vacant. coolio oreos

oh yeah, meiman got some tshirts for us from her thailand trip. cool packaging i must say
thanks meiman!

nice eh? though i wonder why mr bean.... =S

badminton outing!

these 2 are a joke man

woot

HAHA, take away that badminton, this will become an ice-skating pic

ronald macdonald susilo!

woohoo!

ahhan acting emo

jazz acting emo

shuttlecock acting emo

3 monsters

mikki graced the occasion finally at lunch time

start of the school it is then.
and i'm already looking forward to the next term break...

Just a little bit more...

2008-07-19T01:55:00.003+08:00

Contentment

“He who follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness, and honor.”
Proverbs 21:21

In our world, contentment is a strange street vendor, roaming, looking for a home, but seldom finding an open door. He moves slowly from house to house, knocking on doors, offering his wares: an hour of peace, a smile of acceptance, a sigh of relief. But his goods are seldom taken. We are too busy to be content.

“Not now, thank you. I’ve too much to do,” we say. “Too many marks to be made, too many achievements to be achieved…”

So the vendor moves on. When I asked him why so few welcomed him into their homes, his answer left me convicted. “I charge a high price, you know. My fee is steep. I ask people to trade in their schedules, frustrations, and anxieties. I demand that they put a torch to their fourteen-hour days and sleepless nights. You’d think I’d have more buyers.” He scratched his beard, then added pensively, “But people seem strangely proud of their ulcers and headaches.”

a Max Lucado devotional,
Saturday, July 19

------------------------------------------------------------------

with myself,
towards others,
to the things around,
in my abundance,
in my need,

am I contented?

When dustbins speak

2008-07-10T22:12:00.009+08:00

*hehe, apologies for this wordy post, but I really feel much within, and I'd just want to capture and remember this encounter with Him this day. Needful for me I guess. =)

Ahhhhhhhhh.......I passed!!!!!!

Olala~ Oh my goodness, I'm really surprised with this pass, 'cause I had no intention of doing so at all. I mean, it's only been 1 month of training since my 2 attempts at ippt during my in-camp training. And though some of you have wished me the best (and I thank you very much for that), I just couldn't quite see myself passing it.

Actually, I was feeling pretty troubled over this ippt test. Failing it would mean I have to attend another month of RT training weekly, which basically clashes with my year 2 timetable on tuesdays and thursdays. Seeing what little chance of passing this round, I really didn't know what to do, but just to give my all and leave the helpless feeling for later.

Some of you would know my killer stations: standing broad jump(sbj) and 2.4
It bothered me so much I even went to get the pair of new balance shoes from army's e-mart 'cause it's lighter, so I supposed it would help...supposedly. HAHA, kinda pathetic huh... =(

I didn't feel ready at all for the test man...my mind was in a blank and all. But there was this point while I was queuing up to get my tag and was just looking around feeling bored and worried, and kinda froze when I saw something..

I saw 2 dustbins, and suddenly, everything got quiet within me. For some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off them. And suddenly I was reminded....

believe me, the dustbin really did look similar to this..although they all look pretty much the same haha

A familiar feeling came over me right there, and deep within my spirit, I could sense God speaking...remember how I was with you, and brought you through your nafa entrance test, so am I with you now, and I will carry you through...

Sadly, I didn't see it as I would pass, since carrying me through could well mean other things...but I guess that was my human instinct, and a protection veil against being disappointed.
At the SBJ station, I was pretty nervous...but just jumped anyway hahah. As if He's trying to make a statement about my shoes, I jumped 189 the first time.... =S

Okaay...2nd attempt, I wasn't hoping much and my mind was in a total blank...jumped.....216!!!

Waatahhhhhh~ I just stopped there and stared man...couldn't believe it. Seeing that, I just can't help feeling something was going on man. For the run, the weather was all cool and breezy man, perfect. And in the midst of running the laps, I was still feeling amazed about the jump and basically conversing with God, telling Him about His love. And I just pushed myself for every round, running like a dog. Er no I don't run on 4 limbs with my tongue sticking out, just a figure of speech. But boy, age really DOES make a difference man. I used to run like a dog to aim for silver, now it's just to pass... =(

Finally clocking in with a 30secs improvement from my last ippt. I was totally heaving and panting away, my calves were hurting, but something within was jumping with unbelievable gladness. Almost wanted to do a victory dance when I collected my result slip, but decided not to with all the uncles looking on....

before and after. not tat impressive, but I'm thoroughly thankful =)

With the skies overcast with dark clouds, I left camp, feeling speechless. Turning on my player, the first song that came was Hillsong's 'Came to the rescue'. And more than my gladness, I feel more of humbled, actually.

I don't really know why the weather had to be in such optimum condition. I don't know why the clash with my school term was resolved without me doing anything for it. I don't know how I made that jump. I don't know why this monetary incentive would come at a time when I need it.
But I know, deep within, that I deserve none of it. Honestly

The joy I have, more than clearing this ippt, is seeing God in action, coming to this old boy's rescue. And boy...using dustbins to speak, how about that?

=)

---------------------------------------------

Hehe sorry, it's really wordy up there. With this cleared, I decided to give myself a little treat with a meal of cajun chicken from e.Blackboard, which has shifted from around my house, to nearer my house!

Ok I know, this sinful treat is like a step back, and with RT off, it's gonna take double the effort to keep fit. So people, play games and work out with me alright!?

For now, let's just enjoy the meal =D

cajun chicken from e.blackboard!

grilled and seasoned. try to leave the skin though =S

mmm, succulent chicks with their sauce. only thing's missing is the melted cheese which they used to put

chilli fries that remind you of botak jones'

It wasn't me!!

2008-07-10T02:21:00.010+08:00

Ok, yes yes, I know this is all so sudden. You're staring at this foreign looking blog all of a sudden, but rest assured, this is still your beloved ah qi.

It all started with me feeling all bored yesterday night, and foolishly messing around with the blog template. Actually, I have been wanting to change the skin for some time, but it's definitely not my intention to do it now. Afterall, I'm still feeling lazy.

So I was just pasting some template codes around thinking how silly my blog would look with a girly template...I mean afterall, that's what the 'PREVIEW' function button is for, right??

Apparently, our beloved internet explorer doesn't think so. Upon clicking PREVIEW, the assertive line of text appeared...

"Settings were saved succesfully"

Huhh?! What the?!? That isn't supposed..?!? Isn't that..?!! But I mean...!!? Huuuuuuhhhh!?! -_-

After staring at the screen intently for awhile, mustering all the arcane knowledge in the arts of English language I've practised over the decades, and slowly deciphering what hidden cryptic message that each of 4 words could possibly mean...it finally dawned upon me.

The settings were saved succesfully. I had a girly template for my blog.
Wow. Whee.

Seriously man, what's the deal huh internet explorer??! What's your problem?!?!

So that was how it finally came to be that I had to redo the blog template cos I didn't save the previous one. Well done.

Sorry for the rant man, but it really peeved me. And so, it really wasn't me, it's that piece of software. So really guys, be careful of dangerous red buttons disguised as PREVIEW buttons, you never know when you may just accidentally launch a nuclear missle or something.

But oh well, the new has come with the old gone. And as you can see, things are looking plainer than before. But I thought to just keep things simpler this time. =S
And as my friend uncle Lup would say...new blog, new beginnings.
And as Jazz would say...huat ahhhhhhhhhh~
And as Daniel Ng would say....NOT FUNNY AHH~
And....ok nevermind.

But as I would say, stick around guys. =D

This side of me

2008-07-06T01:18:00.004+08:00

Somehow, it always seem so.

For whatever reasons that escape my grasping and comprehension, it just always seem so. Just when things seem to be happening, other things seem to happen. And I guess it fits a picture of me too.

Just when I seem to pick things up, things come fumbling again, and my clumsiness just knock things over. And on it goes, to a beautiful new domino effect. Apparently, this prowling lion just don't seem to be letting up. And ever so often, to my horrific realisation once again, that my leg has tripped some other over as well.

Awful picture if you ask me.

But...the unexplainable thing that hits, when I take the time to quiet down, is that some would actually choose to stay. I've heard it before...

"...come on....come on. There's more than this...I'm here.."

..and it lingers, and invites. Most of all, it stays...on this side of me.

--------------------------------------

*ok, i have absolutely no idea why there's only vids of animes used for this song. so, just putting one of it for the song. so, yeah, i'd watch it for the song :)

[On The Side Of Me] - Corrinne May

I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth

‘Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you…

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Signalling signs

2008-07-04T01:46:00.007+08:00

Ok...this is gonna be embarrassing, so let's keep this post within the 4 walls alright? =(

I have just finished watching the movie, 'Signs', for the first time....

.....

yes yes....go ahead, laugh all you want. =(

Yes I know, it's a really old movie, and with all the re-runs by channel 5, I must be the wols-iest person around to have only watched it now. Actually, I have seen parts of it before, but never in its entirety. For some reason, I used to think that it's a senseless silly old flick about aliens and crop circles.

Well, not that it's entirely original, nor without plot holes.....but silly, it isn't. At least not to me. Within this M. Night Shyamalan's simple and straightforward tale of earth being invaded by a coordinated alien plan using crop circles as check points of sorts, I found a story that struck a chord within.

The crop circle phenomenom in the story and alien invasion actually took a supporting role here. You can tell when the movie doesn't show the attacking aliens and their retreat as a focal point, but rather uses subtle effects to give a hint of what the characters see and face, and forces you to read their expressions, or wait in suspense together with them.

What takes centre stage, is Mel Gibson's character, Rev. Graham Hess and his brother. From the initial discovery of crop and surrounding oddities, handling the paranoia that has hit the world, to holding the family and the kids together in sanity.

And at the backbone of it all, is the story of an ex-reverend who has not only lost faith in, but finds himself with a tightened fist against God in anger. We see a man who has strongly banished prayers at the dinner table, not wanting to waste another minute of his life on prayer. He is not embittered to the point of being angry at life and everyone around. He loves his family alot, but you can tell that if he were to lose another person, he'd probably lose it all, and join the church of satan or something.

The gigantic crop circles take up all of Graham's attention, while he misses out on the little things around.

A 'weird' daughter leaving half drunk glasses of water all around.
A son suffering from asthma.
A wife who got painfully dissected in a freak car accident.
A brother who stays over because of the accident.

All these little details and quirks. Who would know that at the end of the day, adds up to make sense of the whole picture. Some would find it cliche'd. But it showed me, what it means at times to choose to believe when everything around seems to tells you otherwise. That there can be a purpose to pain.

Graham Hess: People break down into two groups when the experience something lucky. Group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just a happy turn of chance.

I'm sure the people in Group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the situation isn't fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear. Yeah, there are those people.

But there's a whole lot of people in the Group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope. See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?

I know it all sounds easier on paper. Have faith and believe.

Especially when you're in pain. When someone close is in pain. When you just can't seem to make sense of it all. When you just can't see any good no matter how hard you try. When every nerve in your body just screams out at you the futility of perservering and holding on.

But we're told to. He promised.

That's why...my utmost respects to those around who fight to hold on and believe, and lives to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But to those around who fought a whole life time to be faithful, and have not lived to see the fulfillment or fruits of their labour, I think, anything less than a standing ovation, just doesn't quite cut it.

Do you see the signs?

------------------------------------------

[Signs] - Michael W. Smith

You're weighed down with regret
You can't see the road ahead
Or the burden on your back
It seems the trek will never end
The winding paths that still descend
And up above a sky washed black
You just can't bear to look at that

Follow the signs
Open your eyes
Read between the lines of what you see
Look into the soul of reality
Open your mind
Look at the signs
Never look back at yesterday
Keep your gaze steady on the narrow way

Now you've found the sacred tree
You kneel upon the broken wheat
You watch your burden fall away
And all the things you once sought
Now are counted less than lost
For now you see the light of day
The signs were pointing all the way

Follow the signs
Follow the signs
Open your eyes
Look at the signs
Open your mind
Follow the signs

Sketch-capades

2008-06-26T21:55:00.005+08:00

Renderings of the heart.

I was just stoning at the table one of these days over the week...when for some reason, I just grabbed a paper and started doodling. I didn't even have any idea what I should draw....it just 'spilt' out I guess. =S

I really like the process of drawing. While in the midst of it, I'm basically caught up in the little framed world I've created. Just a glimpse into the heart of a creator. Makes me just in awe of how He does it perfectly. The cool thing about drawing, is that you can add in these fine little details that the whole world misses, but not you. You know every nook and cranny. And certain elements added in, most probably only you and a few others know of.

And everyone who sees it, gets different things out of it.

And at the end of it, the moment of looking at your own finished piece....mmmmmm. =)

Kinda experimenting, so please don't mind the amatuerish results. =)

here's the doodle

the piece at the end, with some background gradients and tinge added in photoshop

----------------------------------------------------

"... We've been told that the heart is just too far gone to save, but grace tells us another story..."

- Mercyme

Thankful remembrance

2008-06-21T02:36:00.012+08:00

Hmm...I think I must be the slowest blogger around huh? It's been so long since I last updated, and now this post is gonna be on my birthday, which is 2 months back.

=S

But in anycase, I just wanna leave a mark on the birthday this year....cause it really was quite a moment of blessing for me. Above all else, it was the people around who made a difference... and more than anything else, I treasure your remembrance and the time that was shared.

hah ok...one of the more...intriguing presents i've ever received.
a signed egg from a classmate who heard it was my birthday...
i think it was meant to be her snack =S

card made by the nafian peeps...oh yeah baby

hah, the gift that was bought in my presence...

wah..jazz looks like he getting signature from his idol?

hehe, uncle feeding the kids with the cake they bought!

woo look at jazz's look of bliss. alvin looks like he wants it too

he looks like he's in paradise

here's to aunty shenny

why meiman's face like that??

...

....

nice...

when you're suffering, real friends support you mentally..

like this...

and this...

victory sign from my attacker

me and jazz and a ghost behind

It was a blast of an evening. And it was followed by further little gestures for the next following days. Some more cakes, cards, an apple struddel, a nice polo shirt, some gifts.

More than the gift, I'm really thankful for the trouble taken. Yeah, it was less quieter than usual for this year.

It's been 2 months, but still, thanks guys!

Groanings of the brotherhood

2008-06-02T00:32:00.003+08:00

~
they say that in the army
the food is very nice
you ask for curry chicken
they give you chao tah rice, yah!
i don't want to live an army life
OC don't let me go
PC won't let me go
mama i want to go home, yah!
~

Donning the no. 4, buckling the chin strap of the helmet and feeling it on my head, smelling the freshly brushed kiwi on the boot, feeling that all too familiar weight of the sbo on the shoulders.

It's almost nostalgic.

Just a few more hours before I walk down that familiar path down my camp once again. To those of you who happens to come across these words, here's a tiny request.

Just a short mutterance to God, and ask for His grace and strength to be upon me as I go through this week. The 2.4 years of NS life back then was only possible by His grace....so would it be the same even just for this one week.

Thanks for the remembrance alright? Appreciated.

And hope to see you all soon, real soon.

=)

Shadowfeet

2008-05-31T03:07:00.006+08:00

Those of you who've heard the song Hosanna from Hillsong's Savior King album, dunno about you, but I think the lady's vocals really appealing, and soothing.

Brooke Fraser's her name, and it seems that she has 2 albums under her name. Somehow, she's one of those whose vocals, I don't get tired with as easily as I usually do with female artistes.

------------------------------------------------

[Shadowfeet] - Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

------------------------------------------------

when the world around has fallen out, where will You find me?

Homecoming

2008-05-29T03:21:00.015+08:00

*post updated.
(managed to locate the pic of the puppet lamp lighted up! just scroll right down)

----------------------------

*creaks open door*
*dusts cobwebs*

Hellooo thereee....theree....there.... =S

Woah, is it just me, or has it been really a long time since I've posted huh? Wouldn't be surprised if I'll be reading this post myself haha. No idea man, just haven't really got the mood to update, ever since the crazy period of year end assignment submissions.

But yeah, it's over, but other things are coming up man. (Reservist in camp training next week!! ahhhhhhh)

Anyway, this is especially to those who've been sticking around despite my absence, and all the concern shown and prayers offered. Just to give you some glimpse of my work over this term. It's all blood and sweat man, really.

It's really something to look at the fruits of our labour. Hope you enjoy looking through them as I do..

advertising module. chose to redo an ad for this thumb-scanning video rental service. apparently, my class didn't really like my thumb, so the left one was chosen in the end. my thumb's still recovering from the rejection... =(

ooh, i like this water color cum color pencil cum black marker piece,
kinda has a movie poster feel to it.

ooh, our first work with illustrator. basically had to make changes and stuff to original comic covers. heh, another piece that i like. gonna put it up in my room with my spidey posters!

magazine spread

a self promo resume of sorts. i really like this piece and would have loved to have it kept. unfortunately, it's been coveted by the teacher

hahaha, a concept car of sorts, painted on a mouse using acrylic.
ideas from porsche. vroom vroom~

a 4 frame advert storyboard

haha, a 6-frame pictorial diary blog of my supposed trip to london.
yeah i know, the little romantic story squeezed in is kinda....
but hey, 6 frames leh, tried my best

character sketches for my avatar of the travel blog, Cruise Lee Xiao Qi! wataaaahhh~

advert poster for my comic themed super hero watches

mock up photos

mock up photos with models.
thanks to our kiddish models jason and iris hehe.

ooh, my designed font set for typography. don't know why
it turns out like this on here.

this is the album packaging designed.

hahah no this is not a poster of wanted monstrous criminals

it's for our modern vector art infused china-puppetry lamp

here it is lighted up. the concept was basically to put the shadow objects (our faces) behind the lamp surfaces, on the inside of the cube. so when it lights up from within, you'll see the silhouettes being formed on all the sides. really looks cool man. (at least to me lah)
i would pay to put it in my room =D

to wrap things up, here's a flashback shot of my entry piece for nafa application. hahaha looking at it now again, man.... =S

With that, the 1st year in school comes to a close. It really feels long at times (especially during submission periods), but it's only been a year. His grace has led me through thus far. With the issues on hand, I really wonder how I make it through many a times.

But I guess sometimes, I'm required to just follow, and not understand. It's been a blast, learning all these stuff, and oh, especially the people too.

You guys really amaze, and amuse me. Thanks.

=)

Sorry, and thank you.

2008-05-11T20:28:00.003+08:00

Sorry for everything.

I know it hasn't been easy all these years....I haven't been exactly a role model of a son. And if it pains me to think of the things I've done over the years, how much more it must be so for you.

You are really God's blessing upon me. All these years of pouring your time and energy into my life, makes me wonder how much has been left for yourself. The many times you come back to show your love and concern, despite my response. Though you don't know, you paint a picture of God's giving love to me.

Do you know, people has commented that your son makes good presentations, and can express himself well? Yet, the number of sorrys and thank yous from me, are too few to mention.

But I know, words don't suffice. I want my life to be a blessing to you, not a burden. I know it's been frustrating, and worrying on your side. I promise, just a few days more, and I'll spend time with you, and give a treat. Not out of festive obligation, but cause I want to. Somehow, things over the years have numbed your son down, and he really sucks at the language of love now. I only hope it's not too late to try harder now. To try to express, that I love you.

For all that was done, and unknown to me, thank you.

---------------------------------

[One Heartbeat At A Time] - Steven Curtis Chapman

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

And you're changing the world

When words are not enough

2008-05-10T02:40:00.004+08:00

Even right now in the midst of things,

in the midst of a troubled mind,
in the midst of doors closing up,
not knowing for certain how to get by with the needs at hand,
despite the weariness,
with all the things to do overflowing out of my hands,
in the midst of all things when words fail me at this moment,

I just want to remember You, Lord.
8 years running, You still remain the same.

So I just want to take this short moment to remember, who You are.
To say, I do, and I want to love You, just because You...

are You.

Do you know what I mean?

2008-04-27T00:52:00.005+08:00

Someone came up to me in church one day, and said that my vocals somehow gave the reminder of Jars of Clay. Hah, I have no idea about that.

But this week, a particular song's chorus just kinda stuck to my head, and just kept replaying within. It was getting on my nerves and I just couldn't quite get what song it was. After plowing through the library, I finally narrowed it down to it being a Jars of Clay song.

And what would you know, 100+ Jars of Clay songs in line, I finally saw the light at the last 3rd song..... (is there a murphy's law about this?)

'Work', from their latest album, Good Monsters.
At first I thought it was just the tune, but listening to the chorus lyric, it kinda rang in a way, that I suppose not many know.

At times when the best efforts seem short and strained, it's good to take a good look at what you're surrounded in.

So here's the song that I almost dug my brain out for.

..do you know, what i mean, when i say, i don't want to be alone?

--------------------------------------------

awesomely timed and choregraphed music vid here (apparently it won a best short form music video award). simple, but it makes you think about the song and lyrics.

i pity the drummer's tired flinging arms though heh.

[Work] - Jars of Clay

Just in case, I will leave my things packed
So I can run away

I cannot trust these voices I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak, every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
Alone, alone, I don't want to be alone

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Bring out the champagne

2008-04-25T00:42:00.003+08:00

WOOOHOOOOO!

Yeahhh babyyy yeahhh! The long awaited moment is finally here, can you believe it!?!?
I've waited for a quater of a century just for this day!!!

WOOWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!~

Bring out the champagne and pop the poppers! A milestone in my life!
Wooohooooooo~~ KERPOW! WHAM! BAM! ZING! OHHHH YEEE OHHH YEE ORHHHHHH!
tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet!~ diu diu diu diu!~~
Alllaaalalalalallalala~~ HORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YEAAAAAAA~!
Alakazam! Up up and away! Go web go!

WAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH~!!!!

....

=(

forever 23.

ok, back to work....

=(
..

Drenched

2008-04-16T12:17:00.002+08:00

Being under the rain, that's how it feels like. Pretty nice in a way, despite for all the things within and without going against it.

No inspirational music cued in like in the movies, and we don't always win. Fact is, sometimes persistence in itself, just doesn't quite cut it.

It's high time to restore this battered buoy.

---------------------------------------------

Just what is expected of me? I have no more energy to make guesses.
For all the blame, anger and dissatisfaction, just bring it on.
I will not put up a resistance.

Bumped

2008-04-10T01:13:00.004+08:00

Managed to actually bump into my army mate yesterday at bugis mrt after school. Yeah, my comrade in arms on the battlefield, of video-ing heh.

Really brought back memories of us working late into the wee hours over night, on weekends, on off days just to rush out that video to be showed to this lieutenant colonel, that colonel. Yeah, it was a path not many people treaded upon, nor wanted to. You can never imagine the over-flowing sense of gladness, when we finally finished and mass produced the 2 vcds worth of video of our recruit's BMT journey.

Mind you, that 1 hour plus movie video, took months of shadowing the recruits in their activities and headache inducing editings. Looking and listening to our own video right at the end, I was ready to cry at my own ardourous journey taken.

with cameras slung over shoulders, the world at our feet

Still remember our wish to co-startup a freelance videography company, and the first question he asked me when he saw me was, "so how, when do we start the filming thing?"

Haha, how time flies.

He's in NIE on the teaching path.
Me?

Smacked right in the middle of all things, and nothing.

2008-04-01T02:26:00.001+08:00

perhaps, i'm just meant to shut up.

it's probably a favour done.

Colour me, scotty

2008-03-28T03:42:00.003+08:00

Sigh, great. I'm suppose to be doing my work, or at least work on it to keep things going.
Instead, I ended up doodling with photoshop. It started with me taking a break from work, and just doing a little doodle to change my msn pic.

Somehow 1 thing led to another. Heh I wanted to try being in a comic, so like that lor. Editing hairstyle in photoshop is fun. =)

Sign of escapism maybe.

Sigh, surrounded by so great a cloud of...work.

The taste of grace

2008-03-26T03:05:00.001+08:00

What Is Grace?

“My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

What is grace? It’s what someone gives us out of the goodness of his heart, not out of the perfection of ours. The story of grace is the good news that says that when we come, he gives. That’s what grace is…

Grace is something you did not expect. It is something you certainly could never earn. But grace is something you’d never turn down.

You know what happens when someone sees the grace of God? When someone really tastes the forgiving and liberating grace of God? Some one who tastes God’s grace is the hardest worker, the most morally pure individual, and the person most willing to forgive.

a Max Lucado devotional,
Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Amazing Grace

2008-03-13T03:17:00.004+08:00

Just how long would a man stand, for a battle that seems to offer no glimpse of hope?

I finally got to finish watching this gem of a movie, 'Amazing Grace', which I missed at the cinemas last year. Yeah, I actually squeezed some time last week during my assignment period watching it, in hopes of preparing myself for the sunday worship. Partly for the fact that the new rendition of Amazing Grace will be introduced, but also, sort of a devotional reminder for me in the midst of busy-ness.

Despite knowing from history how things turned out, I can't help asking that question while watching it.

The movie walk-throughs the effort of William Wilberforce, in his battle to pass the bill of abolishing slave trading, which lasted for years. Moving back and forth in flashbacks, we see a strong and strong-willed Wilberforce being slowly worn down by the uphill task at hand. His health suffered, and almost became drug dependant.

And of course, we see John Newton, writer of the hymn 'Amazing Grace', being a friend and mentor to Wilberforce. I never knew, that the writer of this hymn, was actually a man, troubled and haunted by the memories of 20,000 'ghosts' of the African slaves he shipped. So guilt-ridden was he, that he couldn't even muster the courage to share of his past. His advise to Wilberforce, who was considering leaving politics for a life of solitary spiritualism, made me think.

It was not only till the end, when John ironically became blind, having experienced freedom from his guilt, finally grasped the verse of his own hymn, "I once was blind, but now I see"

Knowing how the story turned out, it made me look out for the things that actually caused Wilberforce to perservere on. It came in the form of a good friend, fellow comrades standing alongside with him in the fight, putting himself in the shoes of a slave and realising their pain, a wise mentor, and a strong-willed and understanding lady who would turn out to be his wife, and a source of strength and encouragement for his recovery and final run for the bill. Even little things like an understanding butler who would listen to his sharing of conversations with God in the garden.

All these, grace of God. Amazing.

Makes me think and wonder about the grace upon my own life.

---------------------------------------

[Amazing Grace] - John Newton

Amazing Grace ! How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me ! I once was lost,
but now am found.
Was blind but now I see.

In evil long I took delight,
Unawed by shame or fear;
Till a new object met my sight,
And stopped my wild career.

I saw one hanging on a tree,
In agonies and blood;
Who fixed his languid eyes on me,
As near his cross I stood.

Sure, ne’er untill my latest breath,
Can I forget that look;
It seemed to change me with his death,
Though not a word He spoke.

My conscience felt and owned the guilt,
And plunged me in despair;
I saw my sins HIS BLOOD HAD SHED,
And helped to nail Him there.

Alas, I knew not what I did,
But all my tears were vain;
Where could my trembling soul be hid,
For I the LORD had slain.

A second look He gave that said;
“I freely all forgive” !
This blood is for my ramson paid,
“I died that thou mayest live.”

Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that Grace appear,
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers,toils and snares,
I have already come;
Tis Grace hath bro’t me safe thus far,
And Grace will lead me home.

The LORD has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
His will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes ! when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the vail,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But GOD who called me here below,
Shall be forever mine.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun;
We’ve no less days to sing GOD’S praise,
Than when we first begun !

*for those interested, click here for a short documentary on John Newton, with reference clips from the movie

Finally

2008-03-09T15:56:00.005+08:00

Wah, I never thought I'd get to say this. But, finally man. Finally.

Assignment period is finally coming to an end. Too tired to worry about how I'll do. Just wanna get some rest from it after tomorrow. I have more or less degraded to the likeness of a drug addict begger in my whole outlook, with the endless cycle of school and work over this period of time.

I just want to......have a sound sleep.

----------------------

With that, my 2nd session of worship leading is over. With all the comments heard and all, I just want to say, thank You.

Thank You for being stronger. Thank You for using a scarred empty vessel like me, despite my weakness. Thank You for singing Your love over me. I just want to be close to You.

And most of all, thank You for Your amazing grace.

Red

2008-02-16T01:11:00.008+08:00

Finally, a 'normal' blog post huh?

Let me just say an appreciative word of thanks to all you out there, who's been asking on me recently. Thanks for the concern shown and yep, I'm pretty alright. Sorry if I haven't been able to divulge much. Not that I'm unwilling, just unable to quite put into words the things that went on around and within.

Not until one of these days I suppose? Any case, thanks alot to all you chubby chupa chups!! =D

With all the hung up reds taken down, oranges and goodies finished up, chinese new year is over. The author here sincerely hopes that you have all enjoyed the period, cause basically he was stuck at home alone mostly, rushing work. Hooray =(

No point for all to suffer right? I suffer lor sigh.
But managed to have some mingling around with family. Hmm...interesting family dinner I guess. Missed out joining school gang for their 'reunion dinner' at mikki's place man....oh well.

Oh yeah, and church peeps. Had an invite from Linn to her place for steamboat. Simple evening, but yeah, very nice of the hosts in the invite and preparations.

Oh yeah, learned a simple lesson in life over there:

"Eggs crack when placed under pressure of a hand grip"
"The time-frame of an egg yolk exploding and flying up is strangely slow, and a beautiful sight to behold"

HAHAHHAHA. =X

on the way to the house. scary car ride, no need to take roller coaster hah
=S

buttie's bday celebration heh.
she looks like giant

we live in an equal and fair society.
girls eat cakes and pose for photos, guys stand behind camera
where did jia en's right hand go anyway?!?! =O

haha oh yah, we watched this nonsensical and weird jap horror/suspense movie, Infection. Waste of time man. Just don't eat or drink anything greenish while watching it. Infact, just don't watch it at all.

Case study: the various extreme audience response during horror show:

hehehehe. at least managed to salvage some time from the stupid show doing some work..
but like nerd ah? :( what a sad life

ooh, cny church service. first time see so many thorns surrounding one rose ah =(

yes guys. this is the sad story of my camera. (wait...is it really mine?)
this is just SOME of the captures of the savage attacks it suffers periodically.
thousands more of similar photos in my photo bank showing similar attackers

ah finally, a good photo.
me and pastor stevieee

ooh, the 2 ladies behind me in life.
at least for that day.

Alright. I know I know, still loads of posts owed ah haha. And I still sound kinda dead. Gimme some more time. Hang around, while I return back....to work. =(

Here's an end to a reddy cny post..

I choose pink!

Samaritan

2008-02-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

There isn't supposed to be coincidence.

Yet the mention of the passage on the good samaritan.
It had been on my mind earlier on, but it was too much to bare, so I put it aside.
Then it came again, from his mouth.

This time, I couldn't ignore it. For all the times I've heard and studied the passage before, it just never come across....like this. Not in its entirety, but enough.

Too close....till it elicited tears. I flinched from it and cringed.

"Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers' hands?"

And he said, "The one who showed mercy toward him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do the same."

The constant fear inducing flashbacks. Take it.

Some coward

2008-02-10T01:53:00.000+08:00

A quiet night.

A weary mind and heart. Some passing cars.
A commotion. A passer-by avoided. Some blows landed.
A raising fear. An escalating quarrel.
Another blow landed.
One joined. More exchanges.
Wondering and lost.
A whole lot joined.
Surrounded.
A chase.
A retreat.
A fall.
Merciless pummeling.
A bottle.
A hard whack.
Shards and a pool of blood.
A stunned glance from the side.
One dizzy.
One stunned.
One raced.
One called.
Some more racing thoughts.
One phone grasped, uncertain.
One last lost, guilty glance.

Left.

Some coward.

2008-02-09T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hello hello!

1) deqi is alright and well.
2) deqi says 'just dont talk nonsense.' now
3) deqi is painting his stuff now
4) deqi threw a new year cookie into my Mcflurry.
5) deqi loves all of you humans out there.

deqi will be back soon! so hang around for now. :)

Huh....

2008-01-27T18:18:00.000+08:00

So much......so much.

I'm dead tired now, but I can't rest. Once again, sorry for the late replies. Have yet to find time to write here. Stick around yeah?

The week ahead seems so packed. Sigh.
Help me find rest in the midst.

Someone lend me a shoulder.

Emo me

2008-01-24T02:30:00.000+08:00

According to Pastor Phillip Huan, musicians are generally feeling people, and easy to get into bouts of emo-ing.

Am I doing so now?

I don't think so. It's a fact of things. I'm just pained, and saddened.

That's all....there is.

I wonder...

2008-01-22T22:55:00.000+08:00

If I was shown a picture of where I am today back then, would I still have walked, as I did?

Or maybe said abit more, do abit more? Or less?

I really wonder..

Fillers

2008-01-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

Right, so my com has been down (yet again!), so I've been unable to post. Well, not really unable....but you know....you get the idea? Good.

But it's certainly been quite an end and start to the year, so yeah, keep a lookout for that ultra wols post soon yeah?

School's started, and I can feel the slight tinkerings of pressure on my skin already, amidst the lousy feelings of having split class from my pals last sem.

Come on man.....

--------------------------------

Anyway, I think I'm obliged to post this following questionaire (me and my itchy fingers..) from Daph's blog.....so err yeah. But don't feel obliged to respond alright? =D

TAG ME with a '*DQ ROCKS MY SOCKS!!' only, and I'll:

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

6. In return, you must post this questionaire in your blog

Legend of a loner

2007-12-30T00:49:00.000+08:00

This is a super belated post. Late for a year infact! Heh, wanted to post this back in december actually, but didn't manage to do it. And with my com down and no access to the pics for new year,I guess I'll post a couple of those unposted posts (that's a tongue twista!).

------------------------------

If you've been following this blog since the start, you'd have notice review postings of movies I've watched along the way. I just love to read into movies, and soak myself in them. Such a powerful media. Yeah, for those who in the know, I had wanted to get into NUS's 'Communications and New Media' degree course before getting into NAFA. Oh well, it probably explains why I think watching movies alone is so cool. [although you may probably think it's such a loser and pathetic thing to do =( ]

[spoiler alert]
Anyway, caught the movie I Am Legend with some of the youths. Somehow, it feels like watching Castaway again (in a good way). For most of the 1st part of the movie, you're basically going to see the survival livelihood of the protagonist, Neville, going by his days in a forsaken city overrun by the Infected monsters. For those expecting a blood fest, you're gonna be disappointed, although there's still a fair share of action.

Yeah, heart pumping action that will leave you on the edge of your movie seat indeed. Other than the usual sudden sound scare, the movie really takes its own sweet time in building up the tension and anticipation to something happening. Especially at the first action scene where Neville goes after his dog in a pitch black building. With the background music off, and the limited view of Neville's torchlight, you'll heave together with the character's heavy breathing. You can tell he is scared stiff (and so was I), and something is happening in the darkness around.

People will probably complain of the movie being slow moving. I personally enjoyed those moments the movie took to show Neville's attempt to make things feel normal and his eccentricities, and the desperation as a lonely man, everyday.

It is really sad. And it is only then, that the true extent of his pain of losing a particularly close companion in his own hands, is understood.

My name is Robert Neville. I am a survivor living in New York City. I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies. I will be at the South Street Seaport everyday at mid-day, when the sun is highest in the sky. If you are out there... if anyone is out there... I can provide food, I can provide shelter, I can provide security. If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone.

You'd really feel for him, as he calls out and pleas through a daily broadcast, with hopes of finding someone out there. When you see him crying out to a mannequin for any sort of response, you don't know whether to laugh or cry for him. It made me think about the times when I behaved like a 'mannequin' in relating to others, being superficial and building up walls to others, and how I felt talking to one.

But deep within, Neville's heart was already numb and dead, if not, bordering on insanity after 3 years of fending off the Infected, as well as his own loneliness. Such a tragedy can only leave a man devoid of any hope, scoffing at anyone who would dare to offer an reasoning of a high Being or power...

Anna: The world is quieter now. We just have to listen. If we listen, we can hear God's plan.

Neville: God's plan.

Anna: Yeah.

Neville: All right, let me tell you about your "God's plan". Six billion people on Earth when the infection hit. KV had a ninety-percent kill rate, that's five point four billion people dead. Crashed and bled out. Dead. Less than one-percent immunity. That left twelve million healthy people, like you, me, and Ethan. The other five hundred and eighty-eight million turned into your dark seekers, and then they got hungry and they killed and fed on everybody. Everybody! Every *single* person that you or I has ever known is dead! Dead! There is no god!

Yet at the end, in the midst of inpending doom, hope prevailed and won the battle within him, as he realises his purpose, and that his decision to stay at ground zero was not a futile one, with a last minute realisation that the cure he had been working on was actually working. It was all enough for him to sacrifice his life in order for the remaining 2 survivors to escape with the formula, responding to Anna's call to listen earlier...

Neville: I'm listening.

It's a rare zombie type of movie that I've enjoyed, other than the ending which was disappointing after all that buildup. Fans of noisy and flashy movies like Transformers take note, this is a movie about a man's struggle with silence. An unsettling silence around, and within him.