It was roughly 3 years ago.
3a.m in the morning.
All was quiet. My family was all asleep. As I stood at the balcony window looking out, the night breeze brought a sense of stillness along with its coolness. It had been noisy during the day due to some construction work going on below my block. The space used to be a mini open field. 2 little elevated grassy hills, with a figure "8" cement track going around it. It was quite alright and pretty.
Now, dried up buckets of cement litter the ground. Trees that I had seen since young had been brought down with no visible trunks left. What once was cement paths had been reduced to nothing more than piles of rubbles. Grass and plants were uprooted, revealing the less visually pleasing lumps of soil underneath.
Big dusty construction vehicles that hummed noisily as they dig and drag in the day time, now parked motionless.
Everything had become so unfamiliar....so....messy.
"Just like my life", I thought to myself.
The construction scene I saw before me, seemed like a parallel of my own life. Everything seemed to be in a total mess as I reflected upon the various areas of my life. How did I ever come to this point? At times even my own choices, behavior and responses seemed so unfamiliar, so unlike who I thought I was.
But who am I? Could it be that my life at the moment isn't as alright, as pretty as I thought it was? But even so, I would prefer the previous state it had been thank you. Although it wasn't perfect, it was definitely much prettier than what I'm seeing now.
"And I'm sure You'd have found my life much pleasing back then compared to now huh, God?" I muttered regretfully.
"But that isn't how I desire for Your life to be in the first place as well."
A gentle breeze blew across my face as I sensed that impression upon my heart from Him.
I realised I had been contented with how my life was, nothing too bad, just alright. My life needed change, an overhaul, both in the way I lived my life, as well as my mindset and outlook towards issues in life. But before that change, my current state needed to be broken down, to make space for the new.
My pride had to be broken. Layers of grassy protection I had within had to be uprooted to reveal the condition of my heart. It is then that He could instill more of His ways, His thoughts, His words, within me.
Things have not become perfect, and many a times I slowed the process down with my own disobedience and foolishness. I do lose sight of Him and the work at times. And for the times I feel like throwing the towel and give up...I'm reminded of His words to me that night...
"It will not be an easy path, and many a times, it will be painful and vulnerable for you. It is not because I don't love you that I allow you to go through it. It is exactly because of My love for you that I can't bear to see you remain in this state. But despite the long painful journey, I will be with you in each step. Walk beside, and not infront or behind Me. Hold on to me, and I will carry you through...and believe Me, the end result is worth fighting for."
