Just kept praying as thoughts came and finally fell asleep...
I played pretty badly for this morning's worship, lots of mistakes & just no confidence in my playing. It has been some time since I felt this way. But this time, it was largely due to the troubled issues in my mind. It really messed with my mind as I struggled to keep my focus on Him as I played. I really didn't felt good.
I just couldn't pay attention to the sermon. Halfway through it, I just couldn't take it anymore. I just have to get out of the hall for a breath of fresh air...I really needed a relief from the overwhelming issues. As I took a drink and listened to the quiet surroundings outside the service hall...I broke down before Him.
"I find it so hard to take all these anymore. Why am I getting all these responses? I'm so afraid of saying and doing the wrong things that breaks the seemingly fragile tension between people. I feel so pressured and wearied by the responsibilities and things placed on my shoulders by others. I'm tired....help me please..."
Nope...I didn't play any better after it (much as I hoped I would), that wasn't the point of it. I'm just glad You're here to share it with me. I'm glad it doesn't depend upon me to pull myself together & say I'm strong enough to handle all of these...that I have what it takes. Because I am not, and have not.
And so, I look to You. I look to You not to take away the pain, heartaches and lessons You have for me...but I look to You, to keep me in the path You have purposed for me to walk.
Because You didn't give up on the way to the cross...I have a reason to hold on. Because You endured, I endure. Because You cried out in pain, thirst and weariness...I cry my heart out to You. Because You were wounded and understands...I need not hide my pain and wounds before You.
Because You promised to be near and lead me through...I will walk on.
[Walk On] - 4HIM
The wind blows hard
The climb is slow
Shadows are dark
I stumble on these stones
But my Lord, You are near
I will not fear
CHORUS
I chose to take this road called faith
I will walk on
I trust that You will lead me through
I will walk on
No end in view
At times I feel alone and the signs are few
But at least they all say home,
And You my Lord, You're the hope I hold
Strength of my soul
Because of love
There was an awful hill You climbed
And because of love
I'll live my faith
One step at a time
The course is set
Life's hard but yet
We will walk on
Around each bend, until the end
We will walk on
We chose to take this road called faith
We will walk on
We trust that You will lead me through
We will walk on
We Will Walk On