It's quiet at home.
Dad and bro had headed off to Shanghai today. I had thought of having dinner with dewei yesterday evening...but somehow...decided not to.
Well, in the end, he approached me for a talk as he was packing his stuff around 2a.m , just when I was about to sleep. It was awkward in the beginning...afterall, eversince what happened, we haven't really been talking. Guess at times the channel between us seems blocked or cloudy.
I really appreciated his initiative to share about some of the things he's been holding within himself. But personally...I don't know...regarding to what he shared...have I fully come into terms with the reality of it? I don't know....my response wasn't really big...but somehow I know....somewhere deep within me....another stone struck...and perhaps...something died again.
Because someone..."died".
"What..."
That was the only response I could muster within me as I listened to him share. I guess it was really unexpected and I was unprepared. How does one prepare oneself for such a thing anyway.
Sighh...I don't know. Even as I'm in the midst of trying to resolve and let go of so many things within....so many more just seem to come along. God....in Your allowance of it...is it because You know it's still bearable? I don't know....so many that are out of my control, and I can only listen and see, and react accordingly. It really wears me down....I can't do it without You.
So I'm thankful for my brother yesterday. Well....we talked till the wee hours of 4a.m +. And yes...to you out there who mentioned about hoping and picturing a "miracle" between me and dewei...haha, yes we did pray for each other and cried, only stopping short of a hug... :D
Can I walk closer with him? I certainly hope so....for someone to walk alongside with....a brother. Sighhh....I'm really weary and heavy ladened. I really don't know what to do with all these things I see, hear and experience all around me. Anyway I don't have the means to resolve any of them....I can only surrender.
Those that have moved on. Those that are no longer around. Those that are leaving. Those that are lost and wandering. Those that have wounded...
...please....please take them.
I can't anymore.
The old broken melody, blowing through the trees of Eden.
They say the heart of man is too far gone to save... yet in the quaint humdums of the neighbourhood, in the midst of gains and losses, joys and heartaches, pleasure and pain, friends and foes, battles lost and won, you can just hear that quiet whisper, of an amazing grace....upon this unworthy life.