Have been feeling kinda disjointed and disconnected from myself since this morning....don't really know how to describe the feeling...
...something like if you stayed up the whole night and didn't sleep a wink at all. You just can't seem to focus and concentrate, your mind's blank and you seem to enter this "auto-mode" and stone through your activities. Couldn't stand it, so took the 1/2 day off from office and went back to rest.
I guess it's partly due to the weekend I had.Had a meeting, and worship prac on sat, and sunday just flew past with the service and youth. It ended with wedding service for Shawn and Val.
Yep, I was the drummer for the service again. But I was glad to be able to give and bless them in this manner.
There he is...the man of the moment.Wonder what's on his mind... =)
I like to observe the bridegroom during weddings...as they go about preparing for the moment....their expressions and all...it's just so, interesting. And somehow, a multitude of thoughts and feelings always flush within me during weddings. And I really loved Shawn/Val's wedding photo shoots....really nicely framed and shot. So beautiful....too bad.... =)
I guess all these thoughts within, do tire me as well. I don't know....somehow I get the feeling that I'm kinda working 'OT' in this season of rest...but it's so hard to put things down. I don't know what will happen God...I don't.
But 1 thing I've come to know well...I'm not everything and indispensible, and I can't really trust myself. As I get to know myself more, I'm amazed at the faith that people have in God when they trust me, cause' I don't really dare to now.
I remember this statement (roughly in essence) that my brother told me over some sms exchanges we had a couple of years ago during 1 of my difficult seasons...
"In reaching the place where you find it hard to trust yourself and finally take your eyes off you, you're ready to trust more in Him."
Is it time for me to take a sit, and rest?
I don't know. But You do. And I want to stop all these tiresome guess-work and fearful wonderings, for in You, You long to bring peace and understanding. So I want to be desperate for more of You, and less of me. Draw me, and prepare me. Even if it means for me to lose everything that I might gain You...let me heed the call.
Ready....ready...for You.
---------------------------------------------------
[Ready Now] - Desperation Band, 'Who You Are'
You come like you promised you would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need you
And I dont want to keep living life alone
So take my heart and make it new
Make it true and make it like you
Take my hands, I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will
I feel like a blind man in Your sight
I know that I'm wicked in Your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like the sun
I want to tell everyone
that You're the only one
So take my heart and make it new
Make it true and make it like you
Take my hands, I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Do what you will
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
Do what you will
Im ready now
Im ready now
Im ready now
