Day count: 367
With that...2006 is over. Can you believe it??
'With that...' indeed. A simple 4-letter word to summarise a heck of a year that just passed. But it all feels "un-ended". Like as though it's still 2006. You feel that too?
Personally, I think the reason for feeling so is this: I'm not ready to move on.
There's still things and issues within me that I've yet to let go....but I have to. I guess that's what you get with things sitting on your heart for too long...it all seems one unending stretch. And it actually affected me as I attended our church's final watchnight service for 2006.
Don't get me wrong...it was really a cool service. [Ironically, being the photographer that night, I actually don't have a single photo of that night for myself :( ] Well you just gotta make do with my verbal picturing of that night my dear reader.
We had the chinese congregation's extension building floor for the service. A warm tinge of orange light fills the moderately spaced room, packing in our congregation size of 100+. There was the sense of closeness among each other. The last time I recall we sat so closely with each other was when services were still held at our counselling centre....and it was a great feeling I missed. Somehow, everyone seemed more at ease and casual, and the worship was loud, despite only having guitars. Loud from the voices and hearts that is. =)
Which was why I felt disconnected. But I really didn't want to miss the chance....to be obedient and not let issues within take lead. And I'm glad I did...by His grace, the songs seemed to flow in helping me express the longings.
But more so, the sermon by Rev Soh really ministered. It made me think...have I honestly and really identified what's the season of my life at this moment, and more importantly...its purpose. It's so easy to be caught up more with the effects the season brings along, rather than its purpose. And the thing about forgetting the purpose...is that it leads to forgetting about the One who allowed it and the bigger picture of things. Sadder still if it leads to bitterness and hardness of heart.
And what do I stand on? What grounds me in times of testing? And as someone's sms to me today reminded me..."We cannot run on yesterday's food".
I guess the answer has been provided all along. Maybe I found it hard to accept it as the self-sufficient answer from Him. But it is. Nothing more.
The answer?
..to love You and be loved by You alone..
..to crucify my flesh and boast in You alone..
..to be satisfied at the thought of Your covering..
..to have my happiness found in less of me, and more of You..
come on deqi....quieten and think. what answer have you been looking for? are you more concerned with getting the answer you hope to have, or listen to His answer? so what if you have your desired answer and all the people around with you...you know you're not going to be happy if He's not the deciding factor.
------------------------------------
Have been listening to Shane and Shane recently, and they're really a great sounding duo, focusing on harmonising voices and acoustic guitars. And KingKong if you're reading this...there's really a guitar strumming method called "Double Strumming" made famous by Shane. Watch out for it at 4:06 of the video heh. =)
[The Answer] - Shane Barnard and Shane Everett
I've tried more of me
and I've come up dry
trading You for things
things that go away
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
I have found the answer is
to love You and be loved by you alone
alright! alright! alright!
You crucify me and the world to me
and I will only boast in You
alright! alright! alright!
I'm so satisfied
at the thought of You
growing up in me
covering everything
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
You are, You are(loved by me)
You are, You are(You're loved by me)
You are, You are(You're loved by me)
You are, You are, You are
still me, and help me
to take You at this answer..
to take You at this answer..