Today's the day for some of you out there.
7 years ago during this period...yeah, I was getting back my O' level results. Mann...has it really been that long?? It still lingers vividly in my memories though.
The culmination of my 4 years in sec school. But it meant more than that to me. It was the 1st exam period I had walked through together with God. And the fact was, I was never good at studies....or at least not to the level my parents wanted or saw in my brother and sister. They were the ones who could really study...I was the...lazy one.
Infact, my mum even unabashedly declared her doubts of me being able to even get into a poly.
I never once retailiated on that point to her. Partly because I felt she was right to say that probably, but also, I was too hurt to retort. And so I kept quiet. (I wonder, is my current relating to them affected by such past shutting in of myself)
But true to my conscience, I worked the hardest I've ever did in the days leading up to O's. Although nothing in comparison to what alot of you can do in your case, I know I gave almost my all.
And I gave it all up to Him in the process of the papers. During those afternoons in-between papers, I had some of the sweetest moments of worship ever as I prepared to go for the papers. He filled my heart. Even for my dreaded maths paper, I honestly went with a heart of joy. Not because of my preparation, but because I knew He was present with me. Nothing else mattered more.
And so when my eyes met my result slip, I did nothing but stood there and stared. It was way better than I could ever hope for. I could only whisper..."You (God) did it. You really did it through me and blessed me." Only then did I realise what I actually got, and started jumping for joy.
And yes, I've heard of the results some of you got. And I'm really really glad and proud of your limited, yet tremendous efforts, and thankful of Him.
But somehow, they didn't really celebrate my results. I didn't sense their rejoicing with me. That's when I realise, I can't earn their approval, nor change their image of me. Guess I'm still lazy to them.
But nonetheless, He cared, and bestowed generously upon me. Good or bad results, it doesn't measure you or me, and the academic achievements will keep changing, and lose its worldly value. But His sustenance throughout the days....it leaves its mark on you forever. And for you holding on to your result slip now, let it be a testament of His unmeasurable grace.
Thank you, for reminding me about it.
=)
The old broken melody, blowing through the trees of Eden.
They say the heart of man is too far gone to save... yet in the quaint humdums of the neighbourhood, in the midst of gains and losses, joys and heartaches, pleasure and pain, friends and foes, battles lost and won, you can just hear that quiet whisper, of an amazing grace....upon this unworthy life.