Somehow, there's this strange, unexplainable mix of inner turmoil with stillness....like in the midst of all the troubling and weary-ing thoughts, I'm really reaching out to Him in my limited ways, and He's meeting me at where I am.
As much as I wanted to stay awake to spend my afternoon, just couldn't do it. So I basically concussed on the bed till 8, where I groggily woke up to go out for dinner with my family.
A tiring weekend for me yet again.
Missed out on ISOW on sat. Kinda hope I could have joined. But with things overwhelming me within, I just needed to purposefully take the time off, instead of just trudging along emptily. And the time spent with God during that period before worship prac...was good, and was actually the starting anchor-point for me over this weekend...at least slowing things down in perspective abit.
Not totally though. Stayed back after prac to mess around with the drumset...kinda atkin to going to the beach to shout out the frustrations toward the sea I guess. Didn't really feel like good playing to me, but I just wanted to spend all the pent up frustrations and energy within.
And today's sermon on the prodigal son parable was really ministering for me.
In a nutshell:
(Younger son) I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son, treat me like one of your hired hands."
- probably out of shame...but this self limiting of love hindered how much he saw and received out of the father's wholesome and complete love
- this self deciding verdict and treatment, could possibly mean a hidden desire to retain control over certain areas ("forgive me of these, but leave those others alone" syndrome)
- the feeling of self importance, and angry at being "left out" on the invitation and in the know, could well point to pride in a certain position taken or role played
- "..like a slave"....obedience has become a burden, and act of self gratification to fuel own pride and significance
And finally, Pst Steven's prayer of God's invitation once again, for hurting hearts to take refuge in His complete and wholesome love.
AGM. Man...tiring just sitting there. But I really appreciate people like YP stepping out to say things that matter, things that is so conviniently overlooked, but of underlying importance.
Anyway...youth worker. Nothing much to say of now too...let's just wait and see how it goes. But I believe, more than my human wisdom and preferrance, it'll be good for me to wait upon Him in prayer, and trust in His flawless design plan.
He designed.
He supplied.
He knows best.
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Designed by God“If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies.”I Peter 4:11
God shaped you according to your purpose. How else can you explain yourself? Your ability to diagnose an engine problem by the noise it makes, to bake a cake without a recipe. You knew the Civil War better than your American history teacher. You know the name of every kid in the orphanage. How do you explain such quirks of skill?
God. He knew young Israel would need a code, so he gave Moses a love for the law. He knew the doctrine of grace would need a fiery advocate, so he set Paul ablaze. And in your case, he knew what your generation would need and gave it. He designed you. And his design defines your destiny.
Remember Peter’s admonition? “If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies.”a Max Lucado devotional