I'm a student again.It's been almost 1 year and 7 months since I left army. It's been a period of working and kinda like being on a time-out, on the bench for me. At times, it feels just like being nowhere, in the midst of waiting for a new chapter to begin.
And with that, orientation for school has arrived, with lessons starting proper next week. I know I should probably heave a sigh of "finally"...that I can finally actually go back to school. Indeed, I have much to be thankful for....to be able to go back to studying full time. Afterall, it's what I've been clamouring after, ever since finishing my ns stint.
But for some reason, my mind is in a blank. Seems that I've got too many things stuffed up my mind at the moment. But I can sense that fear welled up within a corner inside of me alright. It's there.
Other than the fear about age gaps and returning my rusty brain back to studying, which I often mask by joking about it....it's also the money entrusted by my dad. The last thing I want to see, is for it to go down the drains. He doesn't deserve that....especially not at this age.
Honestly, I have nothing to offer for this troubled heart of mine. And for the people involved, I have no idea what to do anymore.
I really don't.
here's my white flag,
to relinquish my right to fly as I will,
or the foolish assumption to think,
I have the strength and wisdom to do so on my own
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[White Flag] - Shaun Groves
Jesus, I am through defending
This war’s never ending inside me
I’ve been fighting not to forfeit
Trying not to trust in
Only you
But I can’t get well
I can’t get through
I can’t get by
If I can’t get you
Jesus, now my fist is open
Now my sword is broken
I come in peace
‘Cause I can’t get well
I can’t get through
I can’t get by
If I can’t get you
Mercy, mercy
Give me mercy, mercy
Take me mercy, mercy
I am overcome, I am overcome
And here’s my…
…White flag
Waving where my colors used to fly
You win
Here’s my white flag
Giving up and giving all of me – I give in
I’m Yours to reign and to rule
I’m just a fool
With a white flag