Yup, I finally did it. Pretty much messed up today's worship.
On hindsight, saturday prac itself wasn't really as intended. I had prepared stuff to share and encourage with the team, but somehow, didn't get around to doing it with all the stuff on hand to do. For some reason, the mood and atmosphere wasn't quite in the mood to do so....but still, shouldn't have compromised it I guess.
And for sunday worship itself, major bummer man. I was kinda stuttering, thinking of what words to introduce the new song with, when afterall, it didn't come from me. Introducing songs sure is hard I tell you.
But it was the 2nd song that really killed me off. I was distracted by the speeded-up tempo beat, and didn't even realise I was playing in the wrong key!! So we basically did the song speeded-up in a really high key. Er, at least my voice didn't break.
But it basically went downhill from there. It felt like I was just going through 1 song after another. The final hit came with the 2nd last song, which had slipped my mind until I flipped to it. Despite feeling that we should skip it, my mind was just blank and didn't react. So I just went ahead...and how much I regretted it in the midst of doing that song. That feeling really sucked. I crashed badly, and I made bad choices. And I'm really sorry.
For all those who were affected and distracted from the worship. Cos' I had really wanted the congregation to be drawn into a time of worshipping and hearing from God, especially with the difficult times at hand.
But in all, it's over. Yep deqi, it's done. And in failure, or success, it's to be surrendered to Him.
And I'm really humbled. To be placed in this role of service. And this incident only amazes me further of the moments when everything just clicks and flows, covered and carried by Him.
I've messed up, but it's not about me. It's all You.
The old broken melody, blowing through the trees of Eden.
They say the heart of man is too far gone to save... yet in the quaint humdums of the neighbourhood, in the midst of gains and losses, joys and heartaches, pleasure and pain, friends and foes, battles lost and won, you can just hear that quiet whisper, of an amazing grace....upon this unworthy life.