The old broken melody, blowing through the trees of Eden.
They say the heart of man is too far gone to save...
yet in the quaint humdums of the neighbourhood,
in the midst of gains and losses,
joys and heartaches,
pleasure and pain,
friends and foes,
battles lost and won,
you can just hear that quiet whisper,
of an amazing grace....upon this unworthy life.
It's just mind boggling, how a dream speaks to you....especially the one where u can't really remember the details, but enough memory has been etched to leave an impression within you, or a lesson to be grasped.
What turned out to be a supposed 1 hour rest nap, become one such a deep sleep of 3.5 hours, which certainly didn't felt like so because of the dream.
I can still remember certain scenes, like me and the friend in a deep felt hug, and this whole entire thing which happened to me and had me out-casted and left alone. Now, the only remnant thing left is this huge feeling of being humbled. The reminder that really, I am so nothing without God. The reality of how easily things I've built around me can so easily crumble, and the foolishness of it all, when eternity and majesty is not considered in the grand pictorial purpose of it all.
Such deeply impacting dreams......has it been twice, or thrice already?
Finally had the chance to dine at Ikea today, after almost a.....3 months hiatus since that Ikea trip with my classmates.
Although their food is nothing much to shout about....it just kinda makes you feel....comfortable.
And for once, it wasn't the food that went wrong with a place....
the cream of tomato was really better than i thought it would be =)
good 'ol ikean meatballs
So what's the problem then?
That keyboard slider that's what. =(
In another effort to 'minimalist' my work desk, I got a sliding keyboard shelf. Finally decided to buy it there and then after walking to and fro, mainly cos' I was too lazy to have to go back there again, and I assumed my table had the required thickness to drill the nails in.
To my dismay, my work desk has been secretly working out while I'm not noticing, cos' it's too slim even for the shorter nail alternative that came with the package.
Who would have guessed that a difference of 0.8cm would make such a life changing difference for me? Oh so disappointing, you know??
Oh wells, nothing much I can do about it. Just hoping that they'll kindly find an alternative for me when I bring i back for refund/exchange. And, let's hope that SAF is even kinder as well, not to recall me back for mobilisation this weekend.
Please oh please,
have mercy,
and let me finish this Ikea-n journey,
satisfactorily.
-------------------------------------------------
Ok, time to put this behind, and go for another therapy run.
it seems that therapeutic rest has been the topic in town (for me), since last year end, december. The things that I hear, find and read of, seems to be centering around this topic. I guess I couldn't agree more, of how needful I am of it.
But ironically, as inviting as it is, the notion of entering into such a season, do give that sense of uncertainty.
But before I go rambling into it again....I said I wanted to make this short, since I'm on my way out....
the time spent clearing things up on my desk for last year end was definitely worth it. Just the sight of the uncluttered work desk, makes the whole place and work itself seem so inviting. The act of clearing out and the welcome arms of the nice, warm and comfy desk area is all just so therapeutic =)
in the midst of reading this book. found it staring right at me during my visit to SKS. it seems to be one of those books that's been purposefully set right there saying "this is for you, this moment". Its central passage? The account of Jesus at the well with the woman, which was the core of today's final message series by Rvd Joseph Goh. Not a coincidence. =)
Heh, this may seem out of place, but it's really instrumental in therapy. Just bought and used it during my run yesterday...and it makes me feel excited everytime I see it. I'm actually excited about jogging partly cos' of it. The simple pleasure of just running in the cool of the night with my 'zen' running its tracks along...nice.
And that reminds me...I'm going for my run now. Time to clear out some noises of the world with a run.
Note to self: Time to post those past year work photos and get yourself in the mood for FYP! =S
"I think.....I think...I've found the place....I think I've finally found the place!"
For the first time ever in my life, I finally realized and understood, the possibility and feeling of what it means to laugh and cry at the same time. And for time first time, I vulnerably let loose, somehow mouthing those words in between 'uncontrollable' tears and joyful laughter.
I hadn't even expected, or seen it coming. When he approached me, I thought he was going to pray for me....so I stopped playing the guitar and singing. Instead, he said, "Deqi, come, let me take over."
Without even looking at him, I just spontaneously lowered the guitar strap and handed my guitar over to him....and just went over to a corner.....and waited.
A few moments later, they approached over and started praying for me....and as they did so, I gradually found myself being unable to remain standing. How could I....when His gentle, yet respectful presence compelled me as I prostrated, and surrendered.
Then the words came.......".....You see.....and You restore...all that the locusts have eaten....no more wasted years..."
And that's when it all just hit, the swelling within me coming to a climax outburst and internal release.
All these years...
years of my peers' departure,
years of my being smack right in the middle of leaderships, people, relationships all intermittently connecting and affecting one another, being drained and torn in between conflicts,
years of my toil and sowing in tears,
years of standing in,
years of bridging,
years of aches,
years of struggling mistakes and failures,
years of just.....hanging on, and hanging around.
She was so right, when she mentioned about how I looked so confused and at a lost in the midst throughout last year. Honestly, I haven't even noticed. Maybe I was too caught up, or maybe I was too numb or used to it.
So as I laid myself before God, and just sat in the midst of the worshipping voices, He spoke. And I felt this bubbling, surging wave of joy.....joy that I have forgotten the feeling of, joy as the realization hits home.
I've found it....where I belong, where I'm supposed to be, that very place of rest I've been longing and looking for. Oh, how blessed is the man, who finds himself at the very centre of the place God has intended him to be, to be where you are supposed to be.
No matter the things to be done....there are others who will be called to stand in place. No matter how you think you can improve things.....the hearts of worship will go on, no matter the technicalities. It is His ministry, it is His work. It is the time for you to just take a back seat, and rest, and be restored. To find the sharpening for the blunt-ing over the years.
Let Him sing over you. Let Him.
So, this is the belonging of this season to come. But You know my fears and uncertainty, and yet You replied with the reminder of Abraham who obeyed in faith.
May the same manner of faith, be administered to me as well....thank You...
--------------------------------
[Where I Belong] - Mercyme
Everybody hopes That maybe somewhere down this road We'd finally find that place where we belong That place where we're complete The one that occupies our dreams That place we're lucky to call our home Well, I have arrived And I can't keep this inside
So I raise my hands And shout Your name To praise You with my song My dream's at hand I've found my place The place where I belong
Everybody tries To find the purpose for their life In hopes that one more day is justified But once you truly see The very reason why you breathe It becomes so much more than getting by Well, I have arrived And I can't keep this inside
Thursday, January 07, 2010
this is all so silently overwhelming...
i really don't wish to be tangled again. really, please....
Hearing you pray yesterday....it just made me realise it's been so long since I heard you in your prayers....it's just so...you. And suddenly, it brought about a surge of warm, fuzzy feelings. =)
It suddenly reminded me of our past moments, and if my memory serves me well, the few moments we spent together in QT during my infancy. It suddenly dawned upon me, that few moments of intimacy we shared by having QT together....so nice. I never quite realised that, for some reason.
We really, really need to talk soon. =)
About me
Who am I? You sure you want to know?
The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.
If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, without a care in the world...somebody lied.
