The old broken melody, blowing through the trees of Eden.
They say the heart of man is too far gone to save...
yet in the quaint humdums of the neighbourhood,
in the midst of gains and losses,
joys and heartaches,
pleasure and pain,
friends and foes,
battles lost and won,
you can just hear that quiet whisper,
of an amazing grace....upon this unworthy life.
Wasn't really expecting it, but the letter from Nafa has come in.
I wasn't really pining excitedly for it everyday, and checking the mailbox every 5 minutes or something...but yeah, there was this slight, half-hearted anxiety about it. But more so, I wasn't really hoping for anything. Infact, there were moments where I actually found ease within by imagining that I would be rejected by the school....no worries about money and time then...no worries.
But when I saw the envelope from Nafa sitting there on the table...I stoned at it for a few seconds...before taking it. Hmmm....my dad showed even more excitement and emotions than me man.
"Eh....your letter leh. From Nafa ah?? So how, how how is it?? Got in??? Huhh haven't open?? Open leh open leh. Open and see if you got in leh."
"..orh." =S
Chill man chill haha. I took to open it. Honestly, my mind was in a blank....and from the thickness of the envelope, I roughly guessed.
Yep, they said yes, and I got in.
Strangely, I didn't feel much within me, except for thankfulness. It seems my heart has really been split between wanting and not wanting the school. I hope for the chance to learn and explore this field, but not the finance and troubling issues.
So now the door has been opened.Do I step into it, and face the fears of going back to books again, to study with people younger than me, and hand over the money and 4 years of my life?
Later for that...but first, thank You.
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How fast it is. Tomorrow....tomorrow it shall be. My last day of work.
Time to say bye...to the office (but not to the work yet.... =S )
Scientists have created the world's first human-sheep chimera - which has the body of a sheep and half-human organs.
The sheep have 15 per cent human cells and 85 per cent animal cells - and their evolution brings the prospect of animal organs being transplanted into humans one step closer.
Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, has spent seven years and £5million perfecting the technique, which involves injecting adult human cells into a sheep's foetus.
He has already created a sheep liver which has a large proportion of human cells and eventually hopes to precisely match a sheep to a transplant patient, using their own stem cells to create their own flock of sheep....
...
.....But the development is likely to revive criticisms about scientists playing God, with the possibility of silent viruses, which are harmless in animals, being introduced into the human race.
Dr Patrick Dixon, an international lecturer on biological trends, warned: "Many silent viruses could create a biological nightmare in humans. Mutant animal viruses are a real threat, as we have seen with HIV."
Animal rights activists fear that if the cells get mixed together, they could end up with cellular fusion, creating a hybrid which would have the features and characteristics of both man and sheep. But Prof Zanjani said: "Transplanting the cells into foetal sheep at this early stage does not result in fusion at all."
So it has begun. I wonder where this will lead us. No we're not seeing sheep with human heads yet...but it seems to give the animal viruses another platform to mutate into new human viruses.
Perhaps in the near future, we'll really be able to play along with Lamb Chop...and a song that never ends, will be a reality..
Sigh.....I was late again. Was too tired to get up. Greeted with a shake of head when I reached, rushing over to the drumset.
But I know....I myself was disappointed with...myself. Sorry to the people who was on time and had to wait. It wasn't fair.
I was totally wacked out by yesterday night's episode. Up till 1a.m, I was still thinking hard, whether to continue with the BS material I prepared. Decided not to....I really can't do it. Don't know how was today's session for them anyway. Pointless? I can only sincerely hope not.
Enjoyed the preacher's sharing today. What a good and insightful way to describe fellowship. The call to not give up...struck me. It couldn't come at a more apt moment for me. But was it for me? I dunno....couldn't go up for prayer as I was in the team.
Just realised that my friend's birthday coincides with my dad's, today. Cool!
So here's a toast to ya, BK. Happy 24th! I'm joining you soon....great. =(
Anyway, headed over to Boon Keng to meet my bro to drive over to the restaurant to meet my family. It's a really classic local restaurant with 40 odd years of history (as mentioned by my uncles, it started even before my brother was born), and according to 1 of the posters I saw, it was apparently the first restaurant in the world to serve the dish, yu sheng (!!) in....err...some particular year.
Yeah, had a few of our uncles and grandma to join us. Gotta say, they're really a cute bunch, bickering away among themselves playfully at their age. (note to self: yeah, you can still be cool at that age)
A simple meal it was for the night.
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Pa, hope you enjoyed yourself. I'm very thankful for the energy you have to still be slogging away at this age, while so many of your friends have already retired. By right, with all your children all grown up, you should be able to rest easy. Yet I'm sorry, that I'm still giving issues, especially financially, for you to be worried about. I've come to understand that it doesn't feel good, to be worried about your child, and yet not knowing enough to do something.
I'm very grateful for all the years of sacrifice and blood sweat, in providing for us, your family. I pray that you won't have to face things alone, and may you find this Peace, as you come to the later years of your life. And from the bottom of my heart, I pray that you'll find for yourself, the Life that has been in store for you all these years, the Promise of peace and grace and strength, that you need not worry for what's ahead and beyond.
You are a good man. I pray that His grace will find you and cover you in serenity, and may I quickly learn to honour you as I should. Take very good care.
With the clients disappearing like David Copperfield, there's really nothing much I can do to move the project along. A time check shows we're approaching the end of March in a week's plus time, great....there goes the chance of wrapping things up by March from the look of things at the moment.
And so most probably, my trip to KL is gonna be postphoned....AGAIN...for the 7458135719871th time, to April. But should be under outsourced basis. I really don't wish to suffer the wrath of the HR people for having to process the paperwork for yet another extension. Someone please kindly sing me a song man.
*Yawn* Sianz man.....guess I shall go for some coffee with my colleague.
"Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.
Isaiah 1:18
This verse kinda popped into my mind suddenly yesterday.
Humbling reminder that my sinfulness has no justifications, and awe-striking fact of His practicality and willingness to actually reason with me despite that.
One, above all, who reasons...
It blows my mind.
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I was half expecting him around yesterday...kinda looking out. But apparently not. Seems like a knot within, and I don't know how, or dare to undo it.
And what about you and him? I know I should not have flared up..but I just can't shake off the feeling of biasedness. It doesn't feel good at all.
Managed to come home for a quiet sunday afternoon after church. Thankful for the moment of stillness around and within.
Somehow, there's this strange, unexplainable mix of inner turmoil with stillness....like in the midst of all the troubling and weary-ing thoughts, I'm really reaching out to Him in my limited ways, and He's meeting me at where I am.
As much as I wanted to stay awake to spend my afternoon, just couldn't do it. So I basically concussed on the bed till 8, where I groggily woke up to go out for dinner with my family.
A tiring weekend for me yet again.
Missed out on ISOW on sat. Kinda hope I could have joined. But with things overwhelming me within, I just needed to purposefully take the time off, instead of just trudging along emptily. And the time spent with God during that period before worship prac...was good, and was actually the starting anchor-point for me over this weekend...at least slowing things down in perspective abit.
Not totally though. Stayed back after prac to mess around with the drumset...kinda atkin to going to the beach to shout out the frustrations toward the sea I guess. Didn't really feel like good playing to me, but I just wanted to spend all the pent up frustrations and energy within.
And today's sermon on the prodigal son parable was really ministering for me. In a nutshell:
(Younger son) I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son, treat me like one of your hired hands."
probably out of shame...but this self limiting of love hindered how much he saw and received out of the father's wholesome and complete love
this self deciding verdict and treatment, could possibly mean a hidden desire to retain control over certain areas ("forgive me of these, but leave those others alone" syndrome)
(Elder Son) 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed you command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends.
the feeling of self importance, and angry at being "left out" on the invitation and in the know, could well point to pride in a certain position taken or role played
"..like a slave"....obedience has become a burden, and act of self gratification to fuel own pride and significance
A vicious cycle of 'self rejection' and 'self importance'. And finally, Pst Steven's prayer of God's invitation once again, for hurting hearts to take refuge in His complete and wholesome love.
AGM. Man...tiring just sitting there. But I really appreciate people like YP stepping out to say things that matter, things that is so conviniently overlooked, but of underlying importance.
Anyway...youth worker. Nothing much to say of now too...let's just wait and see how it goes. But I believe, more than my human wisdom and preferrance, it'll be good for me to wait upon Him in prayer, and trust in His flawless design plan.
He designed. He supplied. He knows best.
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Designed by God
“If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies.”
I Peter 4:11
God shaped you according to your purpose. How else can you explain yourself? Your ability to diagnose an engine problem by the noise it makes, to bake a cake without a recipe. You knew the Civil War better than your American history teacher. You know the name of every kid in the orphanage. How do you explain such quirks of skill?
God. He knew young Israel would need a code, so he gave Moses a love for the law. He knew the doctrine of grace would need a fiery advocate, so he set Paul ablaze. And in your case, he knew what your generation would need and gave it. He designed you. And his design defines your destiny.
Remember Peter’s admonition? “If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies.”
“I am God and not a human; I am the Holy One, and I am among you.”
Hosea 11:9
Before you read any further, reflect on those last four words, “I am among you.” Do you believe that? Do you believe God is near? He wants you to. He wants you to know he is in the midst of your world. Wherever you are as you read these words, he is present. In your car. On the plane. In your office, your bedroom, your den. He’s near.
God is in the thick of things in your world. He has not taken up residence in a distant galaxy. He has not removed himself from history. He has not chosen to seclude himself on a throne in an incandescent castle.
He has drawn near. He has involved himself in the carpools, heartbreaks, and funeral homes of our day. He is as near to us on Monday as on Sunday. In the schoolroom as in the sanctuary. At the coffee break as much as the communion table.
A suffocatingly whole lot of crowds, some shuteyes, a nagging pain in my head....and there goes my weekend.
Decided to pop over to IT Fair at suntec. Have always preferred expo...but thought it would be a good chance to meetup with my poly pals. And the meetup was probably the only good thing about going there.
Mann...for those of you who were at the fair...I think you can concur with me, that the experience was atkin, or the closest you'll ever get to feeling like you're in a Lord of the Ring movie. With an un-ending, non-dispersing crowd ever before you threatening to snatch up all the oxygen around you....this was probably how the orcs felt when they were charging and flooded Gondor...
Here are the brave orcs gathering for a single-minded, purposeful castle attack...
..and here we are live at suntec, people worming past each other to get the best lobang. See the similarity? =S (pic taken from a forum)
Man...that'll most probably be the last time I go the exhibition at suntec. I'm fine with other alternatives if I'm ever feeling lonely and in need of some physical human company.
But it was a cool meet-up with some of my poly mates...an inpromptu one after we failed to make it for the previous one during cny. Interesting how we were all chatting excitedly about fast food horror (let's eat cats!), and Heroes....thanks to...someone who lobang-ed me with the series. =)
After which...the weekend kinda turned into a blur....with a nagging headache that left me "knocked out" in bed on sunday morning. Though I didn't do anything much...it basically left me in a constate state of grogginess throughout the day.
Kinda sucks man...but here's what was left of my weekend.
“But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings.”
Malachi 4:2
FROM THE FATHER'S HEART My child, in this life you will experience injustice, illness, rejection, misunderstanding, and death. But the time is coming when I, the sun of righteousness, will both rise and de-scend to call My children home. Heaven’s healing waits for those who have known and revered Me—and a special place in My kingdom. Don’t be weary doing good things in My name. Because you have acknowledged My name, I will acknowledge yours.
A GRATEFUL RESPONSE One day I’ll discard all my worn bandages and frayed Band-Aids—and receive no more doctor bills. You are the sun of righteousness, Lord. Like an eagle soaring in the sky, You’ll rise with ultimate healing in Your wings. I’m waiting for that day, Lord.
SIMPLE TRUTH The Lord delights in those who delight in Him.
"What?! Deqi!? Oh...phew...I thought you were gonna talk about him..."...
....so said one of the ladies from HR dept as she walked across my cubicle talking with my colleague...giving me a grin as she said that.
Man...I think my name's already reached a certain level of notoriety...sending shudders to the people of the HR department in my company hehh. Afterall....my first original contract was supposed to end in December '06, and now it's been extended for 3 months consequtively. It means more paper work on their side.
As much as I would love to deliver them out of this torment..it's out of my control man. Have already been trying to close the project as best as I could on our side...but the client's been really slow to respond. But this will have to be my last month I believe...really. (though you've probably heard me say that for the 534128741th time) :D
But I think my colleagues enjoy my presence man...I hope. :D But as it's all kinda rush...may paycheck for Feb is still being processed. :( And things have been quieter ever since this christian colleague of mine seated behind me was transferred to another department. :(
Speaking of which....a new female colleague just joined us on Monday, sitting in the cubicle right infront of me. Best thing is...she's around my age!
Yeaah...hope that makes things less quiet around here in office.
There goes another weekend. Time sure doesn't seem to tire of running in its marathon, in its never-slowing pace.
Had lunch with daph and linn over at fish & co after my nafa entrance test for some catching up. Just as well man...I was really starving after a whole food-less morning for the test.
the people you dine with...
..can make you pray like never before for mercy
fish, chips, and the american way
Finally resumed our youth session on sunday. Teaching on trinity. Funny...I would have thought there would be questions from the people....but oh well. Don't know is it from the long break....but I feel...we're kinda stuck. Are we moving? It feels as though...something is stuck at the throat. I dunnoo....but guys....anything...please voice it out??
We can only do so much if you don't take responsibility for your own walk and growth you know. =)
Caught this little bundle of joy, jenna, around in church....bouncing and crawling around. She's taking to yeepeng in mannerisms and all, more and more man.
hanging out around on sunday huh
had the chance to try this turkish ice-cream it tasted pretty nice, but the main selling point was the guy preparing it. he really engages with the patrons, pulling jokes on them, "dropping" the ice cream, swapping your cones hahaha. it kinda 'malu-s' you =(
..who's holding the ice cream??
And with those few shots...the weekend is over. Someone please slow me down man.
Am I super tired or something? I've fallen asleep 2 times today on the couch/bed watching Phantom of the Opera dvd...so the show is still not over after 2 viewings...but hey, the show is really more 'opera-tic' than I had thought...or would have liked. But the theme song scene is still nice and cool. =)
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Well, it's over.
Headed over to nafa for the entrance test this morning. Really funny lift they have over there. Apparently, it's card operated...meaning you gotta scan your card in order for the lift buttons to work.
Which is weird? Cause there you have this whole bunch of people who are not from nafa and there to take the test, but can't use the lift cause they don't have the card. Stairs?? Wanted to laugh out when I was in the lift that wasn't moving...but decided not to. Don't wanna risk being labelled a crazy old guy laughing to himself...again.
Speaking of old....man...the people there are mostly post-O' levellers. Never imagined myself in such a situation...but...oh well....
Anyway, the test really refreshed my mind about how it feels to be in examination after all these years. The tension and time constraint...and it was more intense this time, being an art paper, with everyone's big beautiful drawings around you 'poking' at you.
Well, but I'm just thankful I gave it my shot, and it's over. Managed to sneak a shot of my work for the 1st part....so yeah, here's my sketch.
A rubbish bin and some part of a glue if you didn't get it, hah.
Wasn't able to get more of the details in due to the time and being kancheong man...and it feels empty huh? BUT it's all over . Close or open....according to Your will then.
If it is.....I'm really disappointed. For you....please, if you don't want to be responsible at your age, don't expect them to do so. Ever considered what does it do? What does it achieve? Whose affected? Is it out of concern?
If no, then why?
So please...if you really want....walk alongside and go ahead ask me, I'll appreciate it.
Not behind.
About me
Who am I? You sure you want to know?
The story of my life is not for the faint of heart.
If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, without a care in the world...somebody lied.
